#NotAllMen but enough…

The news of a young woman gone missing while walking home has brought up many fears I grew up with in India. We all have stories of being groped, attacked & some much worse. And it is always the women’s fault.

We were too loud, wearing unsuitable clothes, putting ourselves in danger. Always watching our backs, anxious, hyperaware. I am tired of it all. I don’t want any girl to grow up with this fear, to have to shrink & make themselves invisible so that they can be safe.

Where are the men talking about this? Where are the teachers & parents talking to boys about what they need to do? Why are all the pamphlets handed out at universities & schools to girls/women on how to be safe and prevent rape? Why is the onus always on us? (All rhetorical questions)

Teach boys to stop taking what is not theirs without asking first. I believe all women would agree with me that men ‘should not go out alone’ because they cannot be held responsible for their actions. What if they see a woman who was ‘asking for it’?

‘Is it my fault?‘ exhibition raised awareness of why we need to stop asking what they were wearing.

Chores to Crores!! Really now??!

As the world celebrated International Woman’s Day, I come across the cover page of Outlook magazine. Sigh! Chores?!? Really now! Clearly, the writer’s outlook is stuck somewhere in 1846.

Super regressive! And these are magazines that talk about progression. sigh!

Every time these people think they are celebrating women they are actually offending them ..and they don’t even get it .And maybe neither do the women on the cover .

This magazine has simply refused to evolve. It was only The Late Vinod Mehta who had the vision and the panache for understanding reader’s mind.

The Milk Nazis

I have no doubt that breast milk has nutritional properties but I dislike these studies or more so with media articles that extrapolate them to a broader global population, dismiss socio-economic contexts.

Even with large cohorts it is almost impossible to disentangle social and economic factors from the outcomes being measured, not to mention the fact that the time, support, and energy required for breastfeeding are highly privileged.

This study is from Brazil. Most women in poverty in the global south have poor refrigeration facilities, sterilisation equipment and can’t afford formula/ feeding equipment. Breast feeding is a necessity. These articles always confuse correlation with causation.

Also, many of these parameters in these studies are not measurable. Such articles just create so much guilt, stress and anxiety in mothers already weighed down with their own & societal expectations.

I tried and because of who I call ‘The Milk Nazis’, I thought I was somehow inadequate. Looking back I am frustrated that I spent so much time worrying about it!

I have no doubt my child will still be ok.

BTW, what does “achieve” even mean?

Breastfeeding…

Women bodies are so sexualised that some people find breastfeeding in public obscene – A change of mindset is needed that breasts are primarily for feeding babies. Breast feeding is practised in rural areas as a way of life, even today. It’s considered stigma in urban areas. Lot of efforts are being made to create special areas for breast feeding in public places. A change of human mindset is needed.

Breastfeeding is a natural phenomena and Motherhood should be looked with grace and dignity

Pay Gaps??

Thanks to Benedict Cumberbatch and all the other men who are leading by example to make the right change. But this both heartens and saddens me simultaneously. On the one hand, it’s great that Cumberbatch is taking a moral stand. On the other, it’s a disgrace that he has to do so, especially given the time that has elapsed between the beginnings of the fight for women’s rights led by Emily Pankhurst and Co in the UK and Carrie Chapman Catt in the US. How long does it really need to take for unconscious and conscious bias to change?

Surely paychecks are / should be based on an actor’s experience and market value bought to a production, irrespective of gender.

The right decision is made only when all factors are considered. I argue that if we want to reduce the gap between women and men, we need to start by finding more ways to incentivize or inspire women to design their career with a management focus. If we get more women qualified, then more women will be hired and promoted to management positions. As a result, the average pay for women will increase.

We can win this game only if we stand together, even when personal interest doesn’t agree.

Fair is better..??

Anybody that grew up in the Indian Subcontinent, African country and SE Asian country especially as a woman, believed one thing: Being fair is better. The message has always been and continues to be that lighter skin means success in all realms of your life. The discrimination for darker skin is not just for what country you come from but what level in society you are a part of. It’s a perspective that should be changed.

Important to note: Dark skin people make up a majority of the planet! Seems odd that the international standard of beauty is light skin, huh?

Filmmaker Jess dela Merced made a fantastic film on colorism, fair is beautiful…called “Bleached“.

A Pie in the Face.

“Since political correctness has become the norm in our society the normal man in the street has had a lot to be angry at.  The normal man in the street has found the life in which he lives in is beset on all sides. No longer allowed to voice an opinion or make an intelligent humorous joke  (to which he is entitled to do),  for if it offends anyone, ultimately opening himself up to possibly losing his job, online bullying, loss of the respect of his peers and in extreme cases physical abuse and confrontation. All justified because he is an “offender” and anyone who felt offended has rights that far outweigh the initial offending act.”

Read on kamsriv.wordpress.com/2020/07/09/a-pie-in-the-face/

“Mind” your business

An old man was selling watermelons. His price list read: 1 for £2 and 3 for £8.

A young man stopped by and bought 3 watermelons one by one, paying £2 for each.

As the young man was walking away, he turned around and told the old man, “Hey, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for £6 instead of £8? May be business is not your thing.”

The old man smiled and mumbled to himself, “People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business.”

Source: Random

A beautiful reminder from God..

I complain: The laundry basket never stays empty.

God reminds: Your family never goes without clean clothes to wear.

I complain: I hate to cook.

God reminds: Your family never goes without food to eat.

I ask: Why can’t my kids chill out for 10 minutes?

God reminds: You have never seen the inside of a children’s hospital.

I say: There isn’t enough time to do everything I need to do, much less what I want to do.

God reminds: So few of these things did I ask of you.

I say: I look older reflected in my minivan window.

God reminds: Yes. I gave you these years.

I ask: Will I ever be enough?

God asks: For who?

I say: I keep messing up. I worry. I raise my voice. I forget how lucky I am.

God reminds: Luck has nothing do with it. Everything in your basket, I put there with purpose. And I never asked you to carry it alone.

Credit: Mama Dickinson: Musings Of A Daydreaming Mom

My little “Lady” is home

Still shying away from new people yet loves to cuddle with the ones she knows. Loves belly rubs from Kam and definitely understands the word ‘food’. She is naturally curious, processes stimuli more quickly, and reacts faster than I can. She can expertly read my body language and clearly see my intended plan before I am even fully thinking of it. I am finding myself having to play a lot of ‘catch up’ if I can’t stay one step ahead of my intelligent, hyper-active puppy. I am acquiring proficiency in a new language as I learn the many subtle and not-to-subtle sounds – barks, whines, growls, yodels, and sounds I did not even know she could make. I have a new, nosy companion trying to ‘help’ me complete my chores, or even trying to do them for me! Every day is a new day with her.

Showing all signs of being the world obedient and well-mannered dog, I am keeping my fingers crossed and knocking on every wood to ensure she grows up like so 😍

Let me give my fur baby another cuddle before she soon grows up in a big dog and hugs me instead 🤪