Posts Tagged With: Thoughts

Double standards

Many people in India lead double lives, have double standards, and use words which often have double meanings. There is nothing different or unique being a Marwari, Gujarati, Bengali or Marathi (and other castes which exists in India). The women have been subjugated for centuries to lead a life of secondary status and denied the freedom to pursue their own interests. This article could well be applied to any one of these with equal ease, without the tag of being a Marwari or Gujarati or Bengali. Why should we become judgemental on a particular community and feel ourselves superior?

I don't speak for others or for any community. All I know is that each one has to decide where the limits to hypocrisy and double standards as well as freedom are in one's way of life. It is not fair to paint a picture of a few instances and make them a general representative of an entire community. Mind you, I am not disputing the truth of these incidents; they exist. I know several families where older generation is far more liberal and tolerant in its attitudes towards dress, religious beliefs and food etc than expected by the younger newly married daughters-in-law in the family but they are not written about as they are not representative of the entire community.
It takes time to get rid of hypocrisy in a conservative society and accept everyone on an equal basis, particularly in our country where prejudices and restrictions against females are deep-rooted in several aspects of their life.

But it is happening…one day at a time!!

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Anxiety is hopelessness..

Anxiety is thinking you have everything under control,It’s feeling like your on top of the mountain,
Today you can handle anything, today you will conquer it all,
It’s assuming that everything will be okay because it is,
It’s getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed doing your makeup,

It’s being prepared to leave the house,

You practically skip to your car,
You get in, close the door, and you glance in the mirror,
Anxiety is the rapid and sudden loss of control,
You slipped and now your rapidly spiraling back down the mountain,
It’s smashing into a brick wall that goes on forever,
It’s a flip of a switch and it doesn’t always make sense,
..I was just okay..I am okay..
It’s waking up with your heart pounding your breathing rapid,
There’s a golf ball in your throat,
You can’t breathe around it,
It’s the shaking hands,
Can’t look anyone in the eyes,
Begging someone to come help,
But praying no one comes near you,
It’s a sudden reeling loss of control,
And you just don’t know what to do,
And there’s nothing anyone else can do,
It’s the tears you won’t let fall because they won’t help,
It’s begging god for a sedative. 
You are okay but you are absolutely not okay,
There is nothing okay about how you feel,
If you don’t have anxiety you cannot understand what it feels like to have absolutely no idea what to do,
Regulating your breathing but your fingers and toes are tingling.
A war in your head you don’t always understand.
You know you need to breathe in for four hold for seven out for six,
You know you need to breathe all the way in and in again,
You know it’s just a panic attack,
You know you are okay,
You know it will be okay,
But you don’t know what to do.
Anxiety is getting your breathing under control,
Regulating your heart rate,

Plastering on a smile,

And pretending everything is okay,
Even though there’s a thundercloud behind you that you just can’t escape.
Pretending you aren’t barely holding on, to what?
It is wanting to claw at your skin and crawl out of your body because there is no reason for things to be this overwhelming and wrong.
Anxiety is the pure joy of feeling like you have control,
And the depression of being thrown back to the sharks,
Constantly trying to balance your racing mind and react the way you should if you were okay,
It’s learning how to smile just right, laugh just so, tilt your head and nod like your listening but you just can’t focus,
It’s so desperately wanting to just be normal, 
It’s knowing you should be enjoying something but you just aren’t,
It’s choosing not to go out, not to get up, not to move forward.
It is your mind creating irrational fears of things you don’t need to fear,
Anxiety is hopelessness,
But it’s not hopeless.

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Long distance…

I have never, never, never ever been in a long distance relationship. So when we met and later committed to each other, I never realized the emotional-coaster ride I am putting myself into. I anticipated the initial long distance, being in different countries but never factored that his job will still keep him away even if I cross the oceans to be in the same country as him. As we start to plan our wedding, I never realized that I will act crazy and stupid to blow up my relationship with him. I already get the feeling that I have pushed him away and made him distant despite the distance…:(

All I want from him is to:

1. Randomly clue me in. Share with me what he is thinking when I am not probing him for information, tell me about his thoughts and dreams, make me believe I am worthy of his secret thoughts.

2. Give me a call or drop me a text when he is out with his friends/ colleagues or far away for work (if network permits) to let me know that I am on his mind even when we are apart. Not out of sight, out of mind. Not because I feel insecure, but because I am missing his presence.

3. Maintain contact when out together. Yes, PDA – not the sloppy kinds but holding hands, peck on the cheek. Catch my eye from across the room we are out together at a party, let me know that I am beautiful among all in the room.

4. Let me know that he notices my appearance, give me surprise compliments, make it clear he appreciates me . (OK, he does it..)

5. Tell me that he loves me – not misusing or over-using it but each time he means it. There is a power in receiving a good-morning and a good-night. With him a few hours behind in the time zone, I would love too do so but I might come across as someone who doesn’t act her age (37!)

I understand that I don’t always need him to be a “we” or an “us” you’re a YOU! Be that YOU! But being 9 hours flight distance away from him, 5.3 hours behind him and missing his presence around me, I am giving him an image of a partner who is insane and emotionally needy. I am as much surprised as him.

If any one is or have been in a long distance relationship, help me validate my feelings/needs.

Categories: Relationship | Tags: , , , , , | 5 Comments

Monday is happier than Saturday!!


I used to start my Monday ‘hating’ on Sunday afternoon. I think this attitude was born of a job that I felt stuck and lost in. As a matter of fact any day of the week could take a toll on me but with Monday’s it could get worse because I was looking at a full week ahead of me and I felt drained already. Then someone told me: “Don’t let Monday ruin your Sunday” which meant, I needed to start each day fresh, clean slate, be positive, be happy!

Mondays are, indeed, the chance to start again…in the hope of a new week that filled is with great opportunities ahead welcoming Monday every week is a pleasure. I must confess that some Mondays is happier than Saturdays.

Mondays are the best day of the week since they are always full of new opportunities! Not everyone likes to think so and I definitely belong in that “everyone” at least on a few Monday’s every year. Call it Monday blues or whatever you like to call it but let’s face it Monday’s can be overwhelming and tiring sometimes. It’s just to depressing to spend 52 Mondays a year in a bad mood. Now multiply that by the number of years you expect to live…..thats too much wasted time spend in a mad mood.

I, simply, changed my attitude…!!!


I strongly believe attitude is something that’s way overrated in corporate industry. For me it’s kind of a mixed bowl and you need everything in right proportions to come on top and attitude is just one among them. And there is no rule of thumb that can help you out to come up with an answer to what the right proportions are because that’s something that you learn over the years. Tough, huh!

How about “faking” the attitude? Yes, fake it till you make it…  [See: TED-talk]. It is important to put on a “face” for the best possible light even if I am not privately feeling it. It affects others perception of me, and it also can affect the outlook that I might even have on my job. That being said, however, plastering a smile to cover up a rather miserable work environment or a really bad job is probably not going to last for the long-term.

What matters most is how we define the “attitude”. Depending on how we use it makes it positive, negative or arrogant. Skills can be attained, a positive attitude on life and a drive to always do our best are a bit harder to teach. Looking at the positive side of it, I would go by hiring attitude and train the skill. I don’t want world’s best skilled person with negative attitude. It is contagious which is great if there is a positive person in your immediate workspace, but oh-so-distructive when there is someone negative around. I strongly believe that one can acquire skills easily, but changing attitude is not that easy. Nobody is immune to the most toxic of attitudes. The best news is that attitude is a choice, and it’s available to all.


Bad attitudes could be caused by a number of variables, to simply give one reason would be treating the symptom and not the root cause. So many times I have seen the wrong people placed in the wrong positions because only their skills were taken into consideration.

When we love what we do, it is easier learn new things and acquire new skills. It’s a mixture of employee wanting to be excited about coming to work and having a positive attitude. However we also need an environment that is conducive to positive productivity. One cannot be sustained without the other because teaching someone the HOWs is second priority. Knowing that someone loves the HOWs, and even the WHATs, and specially the WHYs is No. 1.

If I want to change direction in my career, I have a lot of trouble convincing potential employers that I had the attitude and could learn the skills. I think it is a very fresh and new way of approaching hiring that should be embraced more, but the old argument of training being expensive and risky always wins! Why would a company want to train anyone when they got 50 skilled people applying for each position? The company who actually believes in training their employees is rare indeed.

But, wouldn’t hiring the “perfect resume” without the positive attitude be an expensive (on many levels) mistake?

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Rainy Day!

Sometimes people make something out to be a big bad storm, when really it’s just a shower :aww:

A Rainy Day
by *Demachic

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Celebrate life each day!!

Being an active participant of the blogging world for over a year, the first site which I tremendously started reading was 1000 Awesome Things…and I was totally hooked! No, this blog is not talking about the things which are far-fetched for the normal people but it awesomeness lies in the talking about out-of-the-ordinary things which we often miss realizing while always seeking for something ‘special’ to lift our spirits. Especially when I can smile and relate to the topic at hand.

While cruising your way through this site, I bet you will enjoy the seeing the awesomeness of the everyday like never before. Few will make you nod, nostalgic, laugh-out-loud, unrelentingly optimistic,  just as funny as hating them, while some will amaze you how you never noticed it. This blog has created many laughs and snickers at the awesome things that we have experienced.

Few of simplest ‘Ah, this is so awesome!’ things:

  • Squeezing enough toothpaste out for one last brush
  • Playing with a baby and not having to change its diaper
  • Absolute perfect silence
  • Waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you’ve got lots of sleep time left
  • Laughing so hard you make no sound at all
  • When your windshield wipers match the beat of the song you’re listening to
  • When the hold music is actually good
  • Finding out someone has the same birthday as you
  • Seeing a dog or cat chasing its own tail
  • Watching your favorite movie with someone who hasn’t seen it before
  • Staying in your pajamas all day
  • That moment just before you fall asleep when you know you’re about to fall asleep

The author, Neil Pasricha, started this blog in 2008 and since then it has reached many accomplishments: #1 in WordPress top-blogs, featured in various news channel and his books are international bestsellers!

Not to miss his inspiring TED talk which tells us that there is always something positive to hold unto when we experience some difficulties in life.

I am going along, reading this, chuckling at little things, here and there. Sometimes, it’s nice to remind ourself of life’s pleasures and it’s awesomeness from the small things..!! Visit this blog and trust me, it will be worth your while every day..

Celebrate life each day!!

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Sometimes we just need to be reminded…

… the world is not all that bad!!

by =projectTiGER on deviantART

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Life As-Is

At night, I run through my day in my mind – my interactions with my colleagues, missed deadlines,  etc. Often I have realized that my happy and sad moments are reflective of what happened at work. But what about other moments which affect my life outside of that space??

To be honest, not every day is sunshine and roses, but would we trade some on the happiest days of our life for not having to experience some of the saddest? do you think it would be as much fun?

Hmm…I do not think there would be any hands up!

Yes, there have been times when I thought that the not-so-happy moments should be wiped off or if I can wake up to believe that it never happened. But as the time passes me by, I realize that I have grown to be wiser and a stronger person, and have learnt what I should not have done.

Life is full of happy and sad moments, smiling and moody faces, rights and wrongs, loves and hates. But what a wonderful LIFE it is!!

Remember: Life is a game in which we are juggling some five balls in the air: Work – Family – Health – Friends – Character, and we are keeping all of these in the air. We soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If we drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and character are made of glass. If we drop one of these, they will be irrevocably marked, damaged or even shattered for life. Sadly, we realize that just when we are old…and sometimes it is too late.

Ups and Downs

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…thats how we are friends!

“Why did you do all this for me?” he asked. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.”

‘ You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing.” 

~ E.B. White

If you are on LinkedIn, you would have noticed your LinkedIn network i.e. directly and indirectly connections. We are sort-of aware of people in our direct connection but do you ever wonder the huge network of people we are indirectly connected? Better still, do we wonder how did we become friends with the ones on our direct connections. We can categorize many of them as class-mates or colleagues or family/relatives but what about the rest?

Let me count the ways (few atleast)…

‘Huggies’ buddy

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. You can continue to be stupid with them and have the privilege to talk nonsense. These are the ones in which you are bound to one another with hoops of steel.

Silent pal

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness. One who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. They can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute.

Intergenerational Friends

They can be younger or older than you, not by few months, but by years…but you still want to spend time with them because they provide the fusion of both the worlds. While the younger ones fill you with information of the ever-changing world, the older generation provides you worldly advice on how to cope with it. You enjoy the broader perspective of the world from the younger ones with the narrowed vision of needs-versus-wants. Younger ones crack you up with their funny/witty jokes while Older ones make you laugh with their stories (which always have a moral).


You meet them at pet-clubs or parks or pet-friendly beaches. Conversations range from diets to tantrums (of pets, ofcourse!) and you end up setting up a play-date. A visit to the pet-salon is synced up to let the pets enjoy while the parents have a latte-time together.

Remind-me-how friends

You don’t remember how you happen to be friends – probably bumped in a party, or bus, or train, or car-pool or simply happens to be your-Friend’s-Cousin’s-Neighbor’s-Friend’s-Friend but are connected on Facebook.. You enjoy the updates, give a thumbs-up on their pics, respond on stupid wall posts wondering each time ‘how did we become friends?’.

Soul Cruiser

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Categories: Relationship | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pay It Forward..

When I was a little girl, my grandmother) used to tell me that good deeds were the building blocks of a good life. I didn’t completely understand these riddles then, but now I do and I am very much in agreement with it.

The movie Pay it Forward is a good example of this sentiment. As the storyline goes, a little boy starts a cycle of extending help to three people and then each one of them returns the favor to three more people. In the film, people’s lives are changed dramatically after they receive help, and then they go on to do a similar good deed for others.

There is no doubt that this cycle of doing good helps to create a better world. Good deeds and paying it forward are ways to seed or plant seeds of goodwill that will grow and bear fruit down the road. One of the best things about seeding is that it makes us feel good. Doing a thoughtful deed for someone else opens our heart and fills it with warmth. We don’t have to be rich or powerful to plant seeds of kindness. All it takes is a willingness to look out for opportunities to help others.

We can start with just simple things, such as a smile for the harried grocery sales man or holding the door for someone. Or we can take it a step further and offer help to people in need. Perhaps someone we know could use a heart-to-heart discussion or an elderly person in our neighborhood needs help shopping or repairing something in the home. Spend a little time thinking about it, and I am sure some ideas will pop into our head.

We can consider volunteering some time on a regular basis to benefit a specific group, such as children, older people, or the community in general. It doesn’t really matter so much how we seed kindnesses as long as we are looking for opportunities to do so and then take advantage of them when we see the need.

In the process of doing good for others, even if it is something small, we improve the lives of others, build better relationships and even improve our own lives. It’s a win-win situation!!!

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