Posts Tagged With: Self

Anxiety is hopelessness..

Anxiety is thinking you have everything under control,It’s feeling like your on top of the mountain,
Today you can handle anything, today you will conquer it all,
It’s assuming that everything will be okay because it is,
It’s getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting dressed doing your makeup,

It’s being prepared to leave the house,

You practically skip to your car,
You get in, close the door, and you glance in the mirror,
Anxiety is the rapid and sudden loss of control,
You slipped and now your rapidly spiraling back down the mountain,
It’s smashing into a brick wall that goes on forever,
It’s a flip of a switch and it doesn’t always make sense,
..I was just okay..I am okay..
It’s waking up with your heart pounding your breathing rapid,
There’s a golf ball in your throat,
You can’t breathe around it,
It’s the shaking hands,
Can’t look anyone in the eyes,
Begging someone to come help,
But praying no one comes near you,
It’s a sudden reeling loss of control,
And you just don’t know what to do,
And there’s nothing anyone else can do,
It’s the tears you won’t let fall because they won’t help,
It’s begging god for a sedative. 
You are okay but you are absolutely not okay,
There is nothing okay about how you feel,
If you don’t have anxiety you cannot understand what it feels like to have absolutely no idea what to do,
Regulating your breathing but your fingers and toes are tingling.
A war in your head you don’t always understand.
You know you need to breathe in for four hold for seven out for six,
You know you need to breathe all the way in and in again,
You know it’s just a panic attack,
You know you are okay,
You know it will be okay,
But you don’t know what to do.
Anxiety is getting your breathing under control,
Regulating your heart rate,

Plastering on a smile,

And pretending everything is okay,
Even though there’s a thundercloud behind you that you just can’t escape.
Pretending you aren’t barely holding on, to what?
It is wanting to claw at your skin and crawl out of your body because there is no reason for things to be this overwhelming and wrong.
Anxiety is the pure joy of feeling like you have control,
And the depression of being thrown back to the sharks,
Constantly trying to balance your racing mind and react the way you should if you were okay,
It’s learning how to smile just right, laugh just so, tilt your head and nod like your listening but you just can’t focus,
It’s so desperately wanting to just be normal, 
It’s knowing you should be enjoying something but you just aren’t,
It’s choosing not to go out, not to get up, not to move forward.
It is your mind creating irrational fears of things you don’t need to fear,
Anxiety is hopelessness,
But it’s not hopeless.

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I would do anything for love, but I won’t do…

I am blessed to be in a family who are proof that love exists and when I see old couples in love, it bestows my faith in it a notch higher. Even all my besties have had love marriages (will talk about arranged marriage some other time) which makes me believe in love. They always stump me when I see them going that extra mile for their loved one and later confuse me by cribbing how effort they have to put by living together. My failed relationships are like silver lining. I have my lessons learnt and although I would do anything for love, but____:

  • I can never be an early-riser. I will seek my silent-time in the morning where I enjoy a cup of tea and read the newspaper or simply take a little while to get going. No, I am not grumpy or in zombie-like state. Everyone takes a little time to wake up every morning, right?
  • I won’t give up a night-time bathing ritual. Nothing relaxes me more after a long day of commute and work. A warm shower before snuggling in bed..!
  • I will never share my toothbrush. Hell no!! Ick…
  • I won’t pick up dirty stinky socks or underwear if your habit is to come in the house and drop your coat over a certain chair instead of hanging it up or putting in laundry basket. I will simply move the chair from its place.  If this causes you to think then hang the coat where it belongs.
  • I will continue to enjoy my sweet cravings at night. Please, feel free to dig in my tiramisu or mud cake.
  • I will not enjoy conversations with “Mm hmm, mm hmm, yep…” while simultaneously playing Angry Birds or checking emails or when you’re glued to your iPhone.
  • Flowers are beautiful but bringing long-stemmed roses on self-proclaimed days such as Valentines or on obvious-days like birthday/anniversaries – please No! Peonies or Orchids are even better (if you’re asking).
  • I will not be swayed by inking my name on my wrist or nape of my neck or any body part; or ‘wishing’ I get your name inked on me. A temporary tattoo might be fun, if you may insist!
  • Getting me a ‘a little something’ because you like it sounds selfish to me. I will prefer something which I like so keep listening on the suggestions which I make.
  • I will not enjoy threesome everyday – me, my partner and TV. A quiet evening over a cup of tea or wine and talking about earlier holidays or to plan for one will count as quality time.
  • I don’t think a nickname shows intimacy so don’t call me names like babes or sexy or hottie – Hell no! I believe my nick-name (wait for it – ‘Sweety’) is far more sweeter. I will bend the rule if called Sweetheart!
  • It’s fine to want to be in constant contact, but give some time to miss each other. Smother me with chocolates and perfumes, not with texts and calls.
  • I will nurture my other relationships too. Weekend with my family, close friends or relatives without you is not asking for much, once in a while.
  • I will not remember our fights as I suffer from memory lapse. Lucky you, I break the myth of how females remember the fights. I believe in living in the present! Lets remember the lesson learnt and start afresh after each fight or should I say ‘tiff’. Do not “keep a scorecard” to justify current righteousness unless they are legitimately connected.
  • I will not find small and petty ways to piss you off. I will tell you what actually is upsetting me and then the ball is in your court.
  • It’s really so much about communication. As long as we tell each other what we are expecting or thinking, everything should be fine!

Note: This list is in draft-phase. With passing years, points will be added or reduced based on my relationship with my imperfect partner.

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Be beautiful like Cleopatra…!!!

We have heard stories of Alexander the Great and Cleopatra who sought ways to hold onto their beauty and vitality. The youthful search still continues. All we have to do is to turn on the television or flip through a beauty magazine to find advertisements for miracle hair tonics, wrinkle cures, stomach flatteners, and what not!! Woohoo! Every one is promising a dream which can’t be fulfilled, and strangely we still believe them. Just like politician’s fake promises during election campaigns. It seems we are still looking for a fountain of youth, but this time it is through creams or supplements or health regimens that make extravagant, unproven claims. However, I don’t think that is the way to stay young.


It seems that studies done on people those who’ve live 100 years or more (Did you know that they are called Centenarians? I didn’t until today!!)  reveals that they did certain things which was common. They handled stress well and were the type of people who could let their worries end at the end of each day. Like anyone else, they had their difficult or challenging experiences, but it was their positive response to those difficulties and challenges that enabled them to carry on. So it seems that is the mind-body connection is what is most important.

[**Note to self: Stay active, explore interests, and keep connected with my family and loved ones.]

Staying physically fit is important, but so also is keeping mentally and emotionally fit. So there may be a fountain of youth after all, but not exactly as we visualize it. As the “ageless” Sophia Loren has said, “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

I think we can all dip into it!! Errr…from Monday because our human mind has the mysterious ability to sneak up and smack itself in the head and say “Don’t worry. You can always start exercising from tomorrow.”

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Omnivert: A misunderstood personality!

Pardon me if I sound like Phoebe from Friends :)(:

Disclaimer: Following questions were created while searching for characteristics of an Introvert and Extrovert as part of my training program. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Do you:

  • Need time alone to recharge their batteries
  • Spend a day at home alone with tea and a stack of novels/magazines, this sort of down time feels necessary
  • Shy away from the spotlight
  • Want the aisle seat or the back seat.
  • Resort to zoning out after you have been out and about for too long
  • Rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything
  • Enjoy talking when you are mentally prepared
  • Exhibit increased brain activity when processing visual information and often have a keen eye for detail
  • Think first and talk later leading yourself to appear wise to others
  • Tend to have lower blood pressure than their extroverted counterparts
  • Large parties just aren’t your thing
  • More interested in ideas and the big picture rather than facts and details
  • Often better at communicating in writing than in person
  • Solitude is a value to be alone with their thoughts
  • easily distracted
  • Innate handicap in self promotion
  • Small talk-phobic
  • At a party, most introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel comfortable around

Mostly Yes: Introvert; Mostly No: Extrovert; Equal Yes or No: Omnivert, a little of both

I am a little of both with a tiny tilt of being an extrovert. I am extremely extroverted around introverts and very much Insecureintroverted among extroverts. However, being an Omnivert remains a frequently misunderstood personality trait. As someone who is “modal”, I often feel misunderstood by both introverts and extroverts. Besides my time at work, about half of the time I am all by myself reading, blogging, flipping through channels or simply being creative. The remaining half of the time I am socializing – trekking, enjoying a gig or a dinner with friends. Thus, it is funny to hear comments such as “She needs to get out and have fun with people more often”  and from others “She is a such a talker, making friends so easily.” Neither can see the whole ME as being complex and multi-faceted. The whole “Don’t you have a life?” line of thinking assumes that just because I don’t spend all my weekends at social gatherings, I must be leading a boring life and “Need to get out more often.” (my single-status plays a role in this too). I feel like agreeing and opposing at the same time. Who could not agree to more balance between both types of “verts” – introverts and extroverts? Just like the wheel that makes noise gets the grease, a quieter voice out there has something vital to say! Balance, as always, is important 🙂

I was appalled to know that students in Germany are graded on how much they talk in class throughout schooling (or at least in the later years). I have personally never been in a system that grades “participation,” but the thought of it makes me highly uneasy. Solitude is a value of mine but I relish the casual interaction with others, even strangers, yet do not want to spend hours in discussion.

One of the problems of extrovert dominated world is that emotions dominate reason. Too often introverts are also thought to be shy and/or lacking in confidence. This may or may not be the case. If I am introvert, I still find people to talk to, sooner or later. It’s not about being afraid to socialize or having no social skills. I enjoy social engagement but I do require some time to myself, to walk or read, in order to recharge myself. So this makes me an extrovert too. But some are not lucky enough. One must realize that either of the characteristic is not a problem. Its not black and white, its grey. Not better – just different for not conforming to the popularly accepted standard.

I am not insinuating that extroverts are not modest. That is as wrong as to say that introverts are intelligent. Those are prejudices. There are more roles in the world than certain strains of creativity and leadership, and saying that introverts do indeed fill certain roles well is not in any way saying that extroverts fill no roles better than introverts. Each serves different purposes.

Just as a bow and arrow, we need both the bow and the arrow to be a functional weapon. Wondering if the weapon was first invented by an Extrovert, “Hey, look what I can do? It flies far and kills deer fast!” and most likely refined by an Introvert “There, now that the arrow is streamlined, it will fly farther and faster!” Makes me think just how many more inventions have been created by one side, refined by the other, for use by both. However, seeing the bow and arrow analogy in reverse – invented by the contemplative introvert and marketed by the extrovert.

Here’s a toast to the generation of Renaissance men and women capable of being thoughtful loners who go off to explore ideas and learn skills, but then come out and fearlessly share themselves with the world through every aspect of human creativity and self-expression. I wonder what impact technology and social media has on this. So much “socializing” and exchange of ideas now takes place in a more introvert-inclined environment – sitting quietly in front of a screen. For example: I am writing this post alone on my laptop. I am feeling comfortable sharing my thoughts and allowing my mind to wander than if I were physically present.

So what are you my dear friend, an innie or an outie or a little of both, just like me?

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Who is MissUnderstood Genius??


Secret is out!! Few of my blogger friends curiously have asked me the story behind my blog name. Calvin and Hobbes is to be blamed however sneaked in an ‘s’ to Mis(s)understood to add a female touch!! 🙂

Why did I start blogging? Because I spoke my mind which led people to misunderstand me as it never came out clearly enough when I tried to speak. With time, I found it a little difficult to put across my thoughts and opinions with people who know me as then the conversation was biased as often advises were masked with a shield to protect me from the pitfalls of my decision. They don’t enforce me with theirs but they want to ensure that I have weighed it enough.

And sometimes, the advice is also layered with a social lace. Indian society lives under a constant social pressure and certain rules are to be subtly abided by (and unmarried ME in her 30s is no less than a national issue). As much as I respect them, I do not see any reason to made to feel guilty if one does not. Each dodge the rules to fit theirs but others are questioned if they do. Being a late bloomer when it came to keeping my thoughts to myself and learning to speak what people actually wanted to hear, I often wondered why did they discuss if they only want to hear what they want to hear. Everyone pretends to be ‘free thinkers’ but they don’t want someone to challenge their thinking process and lose their grasp on reality. Isn’t a conversation a two-way street? I override emotion and social norms during a personal conversation with friends or a life-changing event. I am not a social creature…I always and always want people to take their decisions solely for themselves. Ofcourse, its difficult but as my parents always say, don’t take decisions based on temporary feelings but wait-for-it…based on the big picture.

Why anonymous? Like many others, I use it as a legitimate excuse to procrastinate, rant and rave of what I process in my head. My family and friends consist of most amazing souls who believe in me. They know that I have a blog, and have been writing in it for almost 2 years but they have been considerate enough to let me keep it a secret. Or probably they are avoiding some of those awkward conversations?!! Whatever be their reason, my reason of maintaining anonymity is that I can write uninhibited.

What do I blog about? If you are that interested you will find out and then you can see for yourself but it’s just random misunderstood things from my life which are written under a different spotlight. Ufff, the difficulty of having a mind that understands that it will always be misunderstood!! It’s because everyone has different definitions of bring reasonable. Mine is just misunderstood. Thus, I turned towards blogging because here, everyone speaks a language they don’t understand, but which now and then is understood by others.

It’s never easy to bare your soul to the world! It took a lot of courage to write and put myself out there for the world to love, hate and sometimes ignore. There is a strange intimacy when you open yourself up and let someone read your thoughts, emotions and/or rants and raves— allowing someone to fondle your mind. Sometimes you just got to get naked and see what happens, isn’t it?

So now you know the story behind my blog name and a little about me as well. Want to know more about me? Simply ask and I will compile and have another post…:)


Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Monday is happier than Saturday!!


I used to start my Monday ‘hating’ on Sunday afternoon. I think this attitude was born of a job that I felt stuck and lost in. As a matter of fact any day of the week could take a toll on me but with Monday’s it could get worse because I was looking at a full week ahead of me and I felt drained already. Then someone told me: “Don’t let Monday ruin your Sunday” which meant, I needed to start each day fresh, clean slate, be positive, be happy!

Mondays are, indeed, the chance to start again…in the hope of a new week that filled is with great opportunities ahead welcoming Monday every week is a pleasure. I must confess that some Mondays is happier than Saturdays.

Mondays are the best day of the week since they are always full of new opportunities! Not everyone likes to think so and I definitely belong in that “everyone” at least on a few Monday’s every year. Call it Monday blues or whatever you like to call it but let’s face it Monday’s can be overwhelming and tiring sometimes. It’s just to depressing to spend 52 Mondays a year in a bad mood. Now multiply that by the number of years you expect to live…..thats too much wasted time spend in a mad mood.

I, simply, changed my attitude…!!!


I strongly believe attitude is something that’s way overrated in corporate industry. For me it’s kind of a mixed bowl and you need everything in right proportions to come on top and attitude is just one among them. And there is no rule of thumb that can help you out to come up with an answer to what the right proportions are because that’s something that you learn over the years. Tough, huh!

How about “faking” the attitude? Yes, fake it till you make it…  [See: TED-talk]. It is important to put on a “face” for the best possible light even if I am not privately feeling it. It affects others perception of me, and it also can affect the outlook that I might even have on my job. That being said, however, plastering a smile to cover up a rather miserable work environment or a really bad job is probably not going to last for the long-term.

What matters most is how we define the “attitude”. Depending on how we use it makes it positive, negative or arrogant. Skills can be attained, a positive attitude on life and a drive to always do our best are a bit harder to teach. Looking at the positive side of it, I would go by hiring attitude and train the skill. I don’t want world’s best skilled person with negative attitude. It is contagious which is great if there is a positive person in your immediate workspace, but oh-so-distructive when there is someone negative around. I strongly believe that one can acquire skills easily, but changing attitude is not that easy. Nobody is immune to the most toxic of attitudes. The best news is that attitude is a choice, and it’s available to all.


Bad attitudes could be caused by a number of variables, to simply give one reason would be treating the symptom and not the root cause. So many times I have seen the wrong people placed in the wrong positions because only their skills were taken into consideration.

When we love what we do, it is easier learn new things and acquire new skills. It’s a mixture of employee wanting to be excited about coming to work and having a positive attitude. However we also need an environment that is conducive to positive productivity. One cannot be sustained without the other because teaching someone the HOWs is second priority. Knowing that someone loves the HOWs, and even the WHATs, and specially the WHYs is No. 1.

If I want to change direction in my career, I have a lot of trouble convincing potential employers that I had the attitude and could learn the skills. I think it is a very fresh and new way of approaching hiring that should be embraced more, but the old argument of training being expensive and risky always wins! Why would a company want to train anyone when they got 50 skilled people applying for each position? The company who actually believes in training their employees is rare indeed.

But, wouldn’t hiring the “perfect resume” without the positive attitude be an expensive (on many levels) mistake?

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

New friendships!!

I would modestly say that I am blessed with good people as friends in my life. I attract beautiful lasting friendships. Afterall, we were created to live in a community of people who love us for who we are, regardless of the drama in our life. Making friends is a survival requirement for me…since childhood. Friends help me discover who I am, what my role is, give advice on life situations, or help carry me through tough situations. We are meant to have friends that are closer to us like family.

Having lived in busy cities such as Delhi, Mumbai, New York and Chicago for good years of my life, I love the crazy chaotic lifestyle. Being 30-something-single-girl in crazy-busy cities, yes, it can be difficult to find and make friends. You can’t let excuses like “I don’t have time”, “Work keeps me busy most of the time” come in the way. You need to find time, you need to be vulnerable, you need to recognize your need for people, and you need to pursue friendships.

I met many people through sites similar to Meetup as I wanted to know local friends during my stay in US. The social and communicative process isn’t the difficult aspect, however, finding people with similar or continued interest is. There is also the unfortunate case where every so once and awhile you encounter an  individual that has the ‘one-sidedness’ type of personality or viewpoint on friendship. As time passes by, we realize the probability of finding an actual friend is so incredibly low and other people are therefore just fill-ins for loneliness. You often have to meet a lot of people before you find the ones that you really like as it does take persistence as well to click with people.

Stretch yourself and you will find people who share those same goals and will become your friends. Going beyond our current horizon will naturally lead to letting our guard down and opening up to real friendship. It is hard, but not impossible!!


Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Life As-Is

At night, I run through my day in my mind – my interactions with my colleagues, missed deadlines,  etc. Often I have realized that my happy and sad moments are reflective of what happened at work. But what about other moments which affect my life outside of that space??

To be honest, not every day is sunshine and roses, but would we trade some on the happiest days of our life for not having to experience some of the saddest? do you think it would be as much fun?

Hmm…I do not think there would be any hands up!

Yes, there have been times when I thought that the not-so-happy moments should be wiped off or if I can wake up to believe that it never happened. But as the time passes me by, I realize that I have grown to be wiser and a stronger person, and have learnt what I should not have done.

Life is full of happy and sad moments, smiling and moody faces, rights and wrongs, loves and hates. But what a wonderful LIFE it is!!

Remember: Life is a game in which we are juggling some five balls in the air: Work – Family – Health – Friends – Character, and we are keeping all of these in the air. We soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If we drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and character are made of glass. If we drop one of these, they will be irrevocably marked, damaged or even shattered for life. Sadly, we realize that just when we are old…and sometimes it is too late.

Ups and Downs

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The Modern Life


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Pay It Forward..

When I was a little girl, my grandmother) used to tell me that good deeds were the building blocks of a good life. I didn’t completely understand these riddles then, but now I do and I am very much in agreement with it.

The movie Pay it Forward is a good example of this sentiment. As the storyline goes, a little boy starts a cycle of extending help to three people and then each one of them returns the favor to three more people. In the film, people’s lives are changed dramatically after they receive help, and then they go on to do a similar good deed for others.

There is no doubt that this cycle of doing good helps to create a better world. Good deeds and paying it forward are ways to seed or plant seeds of goodwill that will grow and bear fruit down the road. One of the best things about seeding is that it makes us feel good. Doing a thoughtful deed for someone else opens our heart and fills it with warmth. We don’t have to be rich or powerful to plant seeds of kindness. All it takes is a willingness to look out for opportunities to help others.

We can start with just simple things, such as a smile for the harried grocery sales man or holding the door for someone. Or we can take it a step further and offer help to people in need. Perhaps someone we know could use a heart-to-heart discussion or an elderly person in our neighborhood needs help shopping or repairing something in the home. Spend a little time thinking about it, and I am sure some ideas will pop into our head.

We can consider volunteering some time on a regular basis to benefit a specific group, such as children, older people, or the community in general. It doesn’t really matter so much how we seed kindnesses as long as we are looking for opportunities to do so and then take advantage of them when we see the need.

In the process of doing good for others, even if it is something small, we improve the lives of others, build better relationships and even improve our own lives. It’s a win-win situation!!!

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