Posts Tagged With: Relationships

Long distance…

I have never, never, never ever been in a long distance relationship. So when we met and later committed to each other, I never realized the emotional-coaster ride I am putting myself into. I anticipated the initial long distance, being in different countries but never factored that his job will still keep him away even if I cross the oceans to be in the same country as him. As we start to plan our wedding, I never realized that I will act crazy and stupid to blow up my relationship with him. I already get the feeling that I have pushed him away and made him distant despite the distance…:(

All I want from him is to:

1. Randomly clue me in. Share with me what he is thinking when I am not probing him for information, tell me about his thoughts and dreams, make me believe I am worthy of his secret thoughts.

2. Give me a call or drop me a text when he is out with his friends/ colleagues or far away for work (if network permits) to let me know that I am on his mind even when we are apart. Not out of sight, out of mind. Not because I feel insecure, but because I am missing his presence.

3. Maintain contact when out together. Yes, PDA – not the sloppy kinds but holding hands, peck on the cheek. Catch my eye from across the room we are out together at a party, let me know that I am beautiful among all in the room.

4. Let me know that he notices my appearance, give me surprise compliments, make it clear he appreciates me . (OK, he does it..)

5. Tell me that he loves me – not misusing or over-using it but each time he means it. There is a power in receiving a good-morning and a good-night. With him a few hours behind in the time zone, I would love too do so but I might come across as someone who doesn’t act her age (37!)

I understand that I don’t always need him to be a “we” or an “us” you’re a YOU! Be that YOU! But being 9 hours flight distance away from him, 5.3 hours behind him and missing his presence around me, I am giving him an image of a partner who is insane and emotionally needy. I am as much surprised as him.

If any one is or have been in a long distance relationship, help me validate my feelings/needs.

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Categories: Relationship | Tags: , , , , , | 5 Comments

In a relationship…

It’s troubling that there’s still an assumption that female single-hood is an inherently problematic state. For reasons that are utterly beyond me, everything leads to a pitiful sigh. Singletons are associated with various adjectives – lonely, boring, arrogant and picky. People make judgments based on our success, lifestyle and even opinions which according to them are reasons for “being single”. Surely, if they judge singletons so severely, I’m wondering if those individuals are trying to justify their own choices in life (being married, raising families, etc), and possibly some unhappiness with them. Is the world built for couples only where singles need not apply? Do whatever feels right for you. I know it’s hard to ignore the messages we are sent by society, as they are incessant and usually one-sided (i.e. to be considered a mature, responsible adult you must be married and have children), but if we understand that society as a whole is pretty conservative, and that most people will indeed comply with societal norms, we are then in a better position to see it for what it is, and to then take whatever life path truly feels right for us.

Am I really Single?

How can I be ALONE if I have friends/family around that will never leave me? Sure, I don’t have an intimate partner but I sometimes think intimacy is overrated. One can be alone in a crowded room, or at home with a spouse who is distant and uncommunicative. But I have always said I would rather be alone than wish I was! (You may have to think about that for a moment). However, I made many choices in my life that somehow put me away from my family and the society that I grew up with (I don’t mean in a brattish way but my college and job choices), and thankfully I don’t have to deal with “when will you settle down?” situation. Yes, it’s wonderful not to deal with it. As to the 21st century, we already have 7 billion people on this earth– it’s not like single people are causing the extinction of society or the human race!

Experience Life

If I make myself a nice dish or if I go down into the park alone to admire nature around me, is the experience lost? If something amuses me or stimulates me to think in a new way, in what sense is the experience lost? If I remember the event, clearly it is not lost. Even if I don’t remember the event, I lived the event: my body and mind were engaged in the world. However, society seem to be saying that Singletons have no existence unless some other person understands our experience. What is to be gained by subtracting private feelings and insights from our being?

Being Happy

The old better single/better married debate is never-ending and there is no better! You can be happy either way, or unhappy either way. And usually, at some points in our life we will be one, and other points we will be the other. Happiness is relative and highly personal. We all have to walk our own paths to happiness, not those based on societal prescriptions. 36 isn’t old, but it is old enough to question whether its worth starting a family. Hmmm…all I should do is enjoy every day, and not put pressure on myself for things that are beyond my control. Things will fall in place when it’s the right time and when God has planned for it. Oh yes, I have come to realized it off late…and my belief only becomes stronger. A failed engagement had left me charred – I was hypersensitive at times and sometimes these “times” were of indefinite duration. It’s better sooner rather than later as we accept and learn from our choices and our circumstances. And then it occurred to me (ting!!) – I’m glad it did, for otherwise I would have been a square peg trying to jam myself into a round hole, with all the anger and angst that entails. Everyone wants to be getting on the other side of the table and so was I. How about I sit and enjoy my side of the table until the table for two is seated with right person?

Indians are more driven with social norms and values where everything should conform to society’s expectation. As soon as we are born, every thing is pre-defined for us. I am yet to be anchored down by the spells of Cupid, the looks of Medussa, the agony of Romeo however every married friend of mine – male or female – shares their secret “I wish I was single” or leaves a sigh “It sounds so nice, the freedom.”, not because they are unhappy in their marriage but because they forgot what it was to be happy by themselves.

A lot of people, married and single, harbor a fantasy of a perfect relationship with a perfect mate. Sadly, a lot of marriages end when one of the partners wakes from the dream and is unwilling or unable to accept the truth that relationships, especially marriage, take work, patience, and perseverance to last. I admit that I can’t and don’t plan to keep this trajectory but I am in no rush and in a happy phase with myself – enjoying life as I should be. I think when it’s time to settle with someone, when you feel you are with a person you truly love and can happily live with together, sharing and compromising, your heart then will settle naturally, without an effort. I know few ‘un’happily married people in age 40+ to know that “settling” earlier is often a bad idea. I also know a number of happy couples who didn’t meet until they were older. It happens that way sometimes, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong” with either person.

Self-Acceptance

I personally believe this one life is best enjoyed w/ someone to share moments with. However, it can be scary to look around and see ourselves different from our couple friends. Yet this is what makes us special; our implicit, silent yet firm rebellion against social norms make us of a distinct character. Women particularly should realize that they are not defined by their relationships but ultimately how they feel about themselves. We often mock self-esteem but for well-being, it is crucial. The ability to NOT settle for something untrue to oneself requires more intellect, strength and insight.

Comfortable being “Alone”

When and if, I find a person, one that is comfortable doing things with me and doing things by himself may be a good pick. I admire my girlfriends’ relationships with their husbands, but I am in awe of what they can do independently as well. A woman never knows when she can count on her independence – it’s not a bad thing, indeed. But a woman never knows when she can count on her partner – that’s not a bad thing either.

Remember, there is a big difference between feeling alone and enjoying your solitude. Those who are content in solitude are fortunate indeed. So many people still feel it is scary to see yourself different from peers? What about all the social changes through the decades? Hasn’t there been a big increase in singles, and much later age of marriage? As for divorce–I am not suggesting that it is a GOOD thing but let’s admit that the ratio has increased. That implies that people have the freedom to find some happiness in life. When divorce was frowned upon (rather still is considered as a taboo) people had to adjust, or have marriage in name only, for the sake of the children. I believe, if women can support themselves they will marry for love and compatibility. The great advance in gender equality means there is more chance for good relationships based on mutual respect.

Living our Dream

Married people romanticize being single, and single people romanticize marriage. Not everyone believes being married with children, house and white picket fence is “living the dream,” I may dare say that, at times, the thought is even boring. Getting married is a part of circle of life and not the whole life. Until then, break down your “wants/needs” and play with the combination of bittersweet and earnest longing to “be who you are” and have an upbeat view of the future without fitting into a well-defined plan. There are many ways to be engaged with life – Social cause, learning to dance, go back-packing, etc. when you feel like it. Life, love, food, travel, hobbies can be shared with a variety of people. One does not need a mate in order to have a sense of sharing in life, or to have love.

Feel our feelings

Singletons being neurotic and nasty??? Well, I cry at weddings. I almost burst with love when my friend described his joy at seeing his baby born. My parents might have a different opinion on how young adults view relationships as good or bad as a function of whether it benefits them or fits the template that they have fashioned for themselves. Growing up with my grandparents and parents, I have seen how relationships were nurtured amidst the chaotic lifestyle. I learnt that relationships aren’t oases, magically discovered in the desert. Relationships are structures that are constructed over years, with much effort and deliberate action.

I love the idea of marriage, not blasting it, but living alone does have its perks. It can be annoying though, to have to deal with people’s consternation when they feel troubled by not knowing how to categorize you. This is an age-old debate – Both have benefits and challenges. It does not mean good or bad, it means different. Yet there’s always this terrified rush to justify and denigrate to quell insecurities. Relax, life is varied! People say that singletons in their 30s become choosy/picky. Of course we should be, cos we understand ourself much better than what we were in our 20s.

It’s easy to learn swimming when you are still a child. As an adult, you are scared to jump cos you know the depth which can drown you. Relationship is like a huge swimming pool where 2 people die in with no safety jacket. It’s said that “female freedom has an expiration  date” – but does that mean simply settling with someone. The question remains: Should YOU?

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Tuesdays with Morrie:

I re-read Tuesdays with Morrie  and its still very poignant and evocative! Reminds me of the goodness in humanity. It is a life affirming book that teaches some crucial Life Lessons. I believe there are some core truths that apply to life, which this book might not help us in finding them in their entirety, but everyone has a Morrie in their life who remind them of truths forgotten and teach a few new truths as well.

In this book, Mitch chronicles the wisdom imparted by his mentor, Morrie, on many troubling TWMquestions about human existence. . Life is full of questions. Unfortunately we rarely ask them. And if we ever do, we never seem to ask the right person. Morrie’s wisdom puts all of it in perspective – with uncommon courage, humor, patience and candor. Sometimes it takes the wisdom of a dying man to jog our mind enough to realize that human relationships and health are more important than all the gadgets, modern conveniences, pressures to get ahead professionally and monetarily combined. When facing death, it will be who I have loved, what I have given, who has loved me and what I have gained from my relationships with others.

Many of us have gotten obsessed with the real trivialities of life. It’s a reminder to appreciate the simple, little things in life. It’s a reminder that when you’re dead, the things you’ve accumulated and the things you’ve done will disappear. What will remain is the ways that you’ve affected or touched other people. You can live your life where you’ll be able to look back at the end and feel peace and contentment.

Various topics covered in this book are thought provoking and a good starting point to begin evaluating our life and asking the big questions about what really matters. If nothing else, they make you pause.

  • Have you found someone with which to share your heart?
  • Are you giving to your community?
  • Are you at peace with yourself?
  • Are you trying to be as human as you can be?”

The author’s reluctance to answer had me wondering how I would answer. These are the answers that I don’t want to fail. It’s one that I want to practice everyday to master. As instructed by Morrie: Do what the Buddists do. Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I being the person I want to be?

If you have been following my blog for long, you will understand why the following quote resonates with me:

“There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.”

Morrie’s ability to look at the silver lining of every cloud, to constantly perceive every glass as half full instead of half empty, to always find a reason to celebrate the entirety of his life as opposed to decrying the pain and the miserably small amount of time left to him was truly inspiring. It’s not a story about being something…it’s a story about just being. It zeroes right in on what’s important versus what we think is important.

This slim volume is full of platitudes and isn’t going to tell you anything you haven’t heard before from parents, mentors and grannies. Earlier we nodded sagely at the advice and then goes on behaving exactly as before. But it may make you listen with a different perspective. I think this book is a wonderful recap of a similar journey you may have had. For those who want to give a thought to the purpose of their existence or discover the value of relationships, this might be the wake up call to start aligning daily thoughts, actions and activities in line with what you find most important.

The author, Mitch Albom, has paid his old professor Morrie Schwartz an unforgettable tribute. While I admire the Mitch Albom’s love for his former professor, the visits didn’t seem to change him. I wanted Albom to show some emotion. The book ultimately suffers from one fact: it’s often hard to put into words the profound effect that one person can have on another.

Everyone reads a book differently, through the filter of his or her own world view. NY Times in its book review slams this book and its shallowness however it can’t be denied to be read. “Tuesdays with Morrie” will leave you pondering on your journey and all those who have inspired and helped you make it this far.

My Two-cents: There is something about this book which continues to be among one of my re-read books. Along with Mitch, I became a student of Morrie. And for what that’s worth, I recommend it. Its veracity makes it heart-rending.

TWM1

Categories: Books | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Arranged Marriage – A Misunderstood Union!!

Ahh! Now that you have watched the video which closely showed how arranged meetings leading to marriage go…like a casual interview. In modern India, this is a date arranged by families in India…or simply put, a pre-date before an ‘arranged marriage‘. Indians live under the delusion that arranged marriages are obsolete, but they are not. Dating is a non-existent world here and considered a casual thingy.

Matrimonial ads in Indian newspapers read something like “Match for 25, Never Married, fair, slim, Homely girl”. The famous Indian misnomer “homely” means domestically inclined. Add “caste no bar” which meant a person can belong to any caste…even in this century. It’s too rigidly caste-based and religion-based. Whoaa!! Thats not all. A couple’s star signs are matched to see if they will be compatible in the relationship. Wonder, can we sue the priests if marriage ends in divorce??!! How stupid it is to base one’s entire life on some stars? Now that we are more evolved, I think that horoscopes should be ditched instead medical history should be matched.

I was always intrigued, a decade or so ago, by a wave of arranged marriages within my family and circle of ex-classmates/friends – urban women who enter arranged marriages. I assumed, well-educated and independent as they were, that they would find their partners without help or pressure from their families. When they went in for arranged marriages, I recognized the strong pull of tradition…or probably fatigued from unsuccessful attempts in the dating world.

With all the matchmaking in the air – the explosion of online dating, the resurgence of traditional matchmaking, I think revival of arranged marriage is not that far behind? FOX News interviewed a trend expert who believes that the new way to find a partner could be by returning to the old way. Decades ago, the boy and girl about to be married off the arranged way didn’t have much say in the matter. If the family decided, that was it. My parents got married after ‘seeing’ each other amidst a family meeting. Gives me goose-bumps thinking of it. Although being brought up in India, I am lucky to be a part of the family which I have come to realize is way modern in their thoughts and opinions. Parents might know dealbreaking details that are often overlooked until too late in the dating game but Thank god, I have the veto power.

It’s more like a blind date now, you are set up by your parents and meet before for a coffee and decide whether you like each other. As strange as it may sound, conversations about stability in terms of job, finances, debts and wanting kids come up way earlier even before the first kiss. Sounds like a business deal that have little to do with love. No one worries about chemistry. Of course, if one is lucky enough to have a long courtship which is often than not with consent from family and have spent time getting to know each other, it may be different. But if you haven’t, you should relax and take it slow.

I believe its a happy family because of the qualities of your partner. And it does not depend on whether the marriage is arranged or not. After all it is all respect, caring, understanding, adjustments & some sacrifices that makes a happy married life. Its not about finding your soulmate, or having Mr. Right conveniently stumble into your life. Instead, arranged marriages are about taking a practical approach to finding a life partner based on shared values and goals.

Approach towards Arranged Marriages has changed dramatically in recent generations. Traditionalists may frown upon change, while pragmatists would argue that one must adapt to it. Sociologists reflect on and write about it, while the entrepreneurs among us capitalize on it.

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why I love my brother?

Few days back few parts of the world celebrated Siblings Day – a day to celebrate the sibling bond. In India, we have a similar day, known as Raksha Bandhan in India, when an embellished thread is tied around the brother’s wrist to celebrate the unique bond between a brother and a sister. Anyways, I don’t believe I need a day to celebrate my bond with my brother because every day was a sibling day during my growing years. Only after I moved out for college, those bickering and playful bullying came to a pause, and I was reminded that my brother is so much more special…an existence of the person who could be my best friend and dreaded rival all in one.

My younger brother is like an angel to make sure my life is full happiness. He resembled a tiny Buddha when he was a child and I tease-love-ingly called him “Golu” which in English translation would be ‘Fatso’ (in a cute way!!) as he had chubby pink cheeks. Although now he doesn’t have that resemblance of big Buddha belly but has the innate qualities that is said to give energy of joy and laughter to everyday life – measured, patient and calm. I resist squeezing his cheeks now and saying weird grandma-ish things like “I remember when you were a BABY” whenever I see him as now he has turned into a gentleman having a sensitive and gentle demeanor!! He always have had a dry sense of humor, a deep love of food, an infectious laughter, and a tendency to keep things to himself… and he still does. 🙂

Having a brother to love is a special thing to have in life and reasons are countless. Let me count few things for why I love him…

  • Because he is as bighearted as anyone can imagine. His heart is twice as large as normal human heart because he has so much love to give.
  • Because he is liked by everyone—yes…literally everyone.
  • Because he is actually the easiest one to be around.
  • Because he has “grace” and “class” written into his DNA.
  • Because he has his head and heart in the right places and if not, he pretty much knows how to balance it. Thus, he is able to make well-informed decisions.
  • Because he acts like an older brother sometimes. It’s nice to have him watching out for me.
  • Because he sets goals and knows exactly what steps he will take to accomplish them.
  • Because he gifts me the Apple products, even without an occasion…Yay! Yay!
  • Because he stays determined and focused despite all of life’s obstacles.
  • Because he is the best link to my past and (I know for sure) who would stick with me in the future. A familiarity that can’t possibly be available to me in any relationship throughout my life.

And my favorite reason why I love him so much: He is MY brother!!

Read The Sibling Effect http://www.businessinsider.com/sibling-effect-jeffrey-kluger-2011-9?op=1#ixzz2tRTX4WBq

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Make the Ordinary come Alive!

Sage advice about the ordinary…

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My dad read my blog…

Trust me, I was apprehensive about unveiling my blog to my dad. My family knew that I write a blog but understood that I am not ready to share it with them. I started blogging for different reasons and since I write how I feel for many things which might be socially correct but not morally right. Nonetheless,  past week I look past my fear-mongering and sent him my blog link on Whatsapp. Next day, when I returned home from work, I saw my dad’s email waiting for me in my inbox. Here is a snippet:

My sweetheart,

Well I do not know from where to start or how to express my feelings for you. I have shortage of words but can say “EXCELLENT”. I read some of your posts specially the one written for your mummy on her birthday. I could not believe how true facts you have mentioned about your relationship with her. I would say that you are really a “Genius”. I also read comments on your blog from persons who liked your posts. It shows that you have reached a stage where you are being admired by people of all ages. I feel proud of you.

Lots of love to you,

Papa

How cool is that?? Especially coming from my dad who doesn’t express until coaxed..:)blog 5 pic

There are few relationships more treasured than that of a father and his daughter. Women all over the world grow up but always remain “daddy’s little girl.” Daughter’s need more than just their father’s financial support. They need their love, their time, their guidance and their presence in their every day life. Fatherhood is underestimated and nobody seems to talk about how important it is. Few father’s truly understand the magnitude of influence they have in what type of young adult emerges in their daughters. They wonder why their daughters make bad choices in careers, lifestyle, dates, etc.

My father and I – yes, we agree to disagree on certain issues but that does not mean that his opinions aren’t worth listening to because the facts conflict with my current state of moral relativism. We might not reach a middle ground however these differences make our relationship healthy as there is no pretense.

He always believed that one should teach their child how to navigate this road of life by reading the road signs. He gave my brother and I enough of a moral compass to be able to negotiate the world through good decisions, and not by strong-arming us into a stunted adulthood. During our growing years, he provided participative structure and open communication with dialogue of boundaries and borders. And still do…we have honest and upfront communications with each other which make ours a special bond. His advices are succinct and practical and yet sensitive and sage.

Instead of “because I say so” he leads by example of being a person who consciously work towards the absence of hypocrisy. Genuine, honest, human warmth and love before dogma and one-dimensional authority figures. He did not know any better yet he profoundly shaped every part of my life.

A daughter is often tied up in what she thinks her father thinks about her. Well, I turned out all right!!

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Who writes letters these days?

As I was struggling to fill up a bank deposit slip for my nana, he pointed out to my sloppy writing. “Who writes these days?” I sheepishly defended myself. “Well, you should as you did earlier in your beautiful cursive handwriting”, said my nana softly. When we returned home, he opened a wooden box which had neatly stacked papers. He took out a brown envelope and scooped out few pages. I froze. They were my letters written to him. We sat together, read the letters and recollected those special memories. He read me his favorite parts from few letters- embarrassing school incidents, stupid complaints of my mother, pranks at school and ofcourse my class grades. Really?? I wrote all that to him?? I am glad that I did, because now I experienced each incident in my life twice: once when it actually happened, and once again when we read them.

Back then, when internet was not heard of, one of the most cheapest way of communication was letters. I remember writing letters to my family and friends, and kissing the envelopes before I put them in the mailbox hoping that they are not lost in transit.

Letters are like timeless little snowflakes of love being send to the people we love. Words are wrapped with love for whoever reads it and it builds a special bond which could be treasured forever and indeed are our conversations with the future. They are like journals, which tell stories of our lives to our beloved ones. When I returned to Mumbai, I brought my old box with me. It had some of the most cherished letters from a time when I didn’t really appreciate them but was glad I kept anyway. Reading old letters is like treasure hunting. Somewhere in those faded paper, there is a story that was packed away for years.

A handwritten letter is risky too. Unlike emails, handwritten letters can’t be re-read as soon as they are put in the mailbox, and couldn’t be un-send too. Once sent, it is gone. It is an object that no longer belongs to you but to the one whom it is sent. I often remembered the feeling of what I could have said more than the words which I wrote. More so, it is a one-sided conversation where I can’t see the reaction of the person I have written to, so there’s a great unknown feeling that requires a leap of faith. I have to choose the right words to express in sentences, and then, once the envelope is sealed, I have sent my thoughts to someone else, trusting that the feelings will be understood and intent correctly interpreted.

I suppose, there is a power in the act of handwriting. Have you noticed that the handwriting changes with emotions? They Talk. They Emote. They have life to them. They are thoughtful, honest and original. How childish to think that could be easy.

Well, in digital life of quick phone calls, emails, whatsapp, and snapchat, it’s so easy to never to find the time to write letters. I was so sandwichbusy zip-zapping through my life and looking for ways of connecting with everyone around the world – on my side and the other, that I somehow forgot about my special ‘sandwiched’ generation who are struggling to pace up with us. To be able to write beautiful words to the ones you love is a lost art gone with texting and cell phones. That’s a great pity -for me. I am starting to feel that with every breakthrough (or breakdown) in communication technology, our social connections, although admittedly more frequent, are becoming less visceral.

When was the last time I wrote? By hand. Today evening, I wrote a letter to my nana. I feared that my handwriting letter won’t be legible to anyone but me. And this autocorrect and keyboard shortcuts has made me a lazy speller too. Initially I observed that I was much more reluctant to express my actual thoughts and emotions but soon it was not difficult to  out to pour my feelings, but quite a bit in writing them down. I hadn’t hand-written an entire page since long. I am glad that I did. I can imagine the happiness he would feel when he will tear the envelope to read my handwritten words. Handwriting is a disappearing art!!

Food for Thought: History would have been a mystery if our ancestors did not write them for us. We read those letters to get a better understanding of life, cultures and people way back 100 years. Will my blog be read to understand me? Will my emails to my friends and family be read in the same as I intended it to be? May be photographs and videos would come close, but the handwritten stuff is always close to heart. I feel that the memories can be best retained in the form of letters.

“And that my soul embraces you this hour, and we affect each other without ever seeing each other, and never perhaps to see each other, is every bit as wonderful.” – Who Learns My Lesson Complete? by Walt Whitman

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*Note to my future generations*

I stumbled upon a very sweet incredible but also very emotional piece in the NY Times where a mother,  Jacqueline Mooreis finding solace in sharing the memories of her son, Jordan, who passed away in 2010, through his Facebook page – It’s a presence unique in its way!!

In a strange way, with all due respect, I didn’t find this comforting. I don’t want my loved ones to die, but I don’t think I would be comfortable getting too terribly close to virtual representations of them. I might be unable to accept their absence but can’t bear their virtual presence. Of course, there is nothing wrong with looking through old photos of the loved one every once in a while, but surely it can’t be healthy to live 24-7 with a virtual representation of someone, instead of mourning them then letting them go. But it would not be comforting to have a virtual copy of a deceased loved one.

Technology is advancing so much that very soon people will communicate with their virtual persona even when they can no longer talk to their actual self. They can leave messages and post pictures and videos to their wall, almost as if they were still there. I think especially for friends and family members having this possibility brings up a cathartic effect. I find this an interesting but spooky.

We keep forgetting who we are as a person and who we are with respect to the internet – they are often entirely different personas. That’s certainly an issue with the Internet as we know it today. When you live your life online and have connections with lots of friends around the world you will only notice that a person doesn’t come online anymore. But it is very hard to know why.

**Note to future generations: After I’m gone, please let me rest in peace. I might find the concept of a social networking site active in my name quite disturbing. You can grieve for me, but after a while please recover and live life. I don’t want a piece of software forever reminding you of what you have lost or (even worse) growing and evolving over time into something very different from the original me.**

The other side of the coin is also fascinating – parents who create a social media presence for their children, I always wonder what will children think of their social network profiles when they get older. Will they be amazed or embarrassed or appreciate your effort of introducing you to the world when they were struggling to crawl? I am glad that internet was still being invented in remote areas when I was born. I would hide under the bed and never come out if my parents would have updated my facebook wall like a news feed, tweeted about my stupid innocent questions, instagram-ed every move and cute-bum, and snap-chatted every cry and smile.

BTW, That Can Be My Next Tweet is a cool time-waster app which tells your next tweet based on the DNA of your twitter stream – can we be so predictable? Unfortunately, I think we can….;) What about you?

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I am not…

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Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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