Posts Tagged With: long distance

Cycle of miscommunication..!!

Most couples discover the happiness and intimacy in the early days of their courtship but being 4562 miles away creates a wedge between us and I don’t know how to break the patterns of behavior that were causing the problem. Mr. K always said “There is going to be distance. Deal with it.” But I was unable to and even now.

The worst and most difficult part are our arguments or rather tiffs. Suddenly, all those old fears come back once again.

“What did I do wrong?”
“How can I fix this?”
“Should I call him? Text him? Ignore him?”
“How can I get him back? ”

When our arguments happen in person, there is some sort of physical comfort, some way to look each other in the eyes and hug the other person to calm down. This isn’t always the case miles away so in many ways it definitely is more difficult.

After many huffs and puffs, I assessed that our ‘culturally’ different communication styles and infrequent communication patterns were creating a wedge between us which Mr K was unable to understand, and I was seeing our intimate and supportive relationship turning into one of loneliness, disinterest or contempt. I got the feeling that due to the frequent tiffs, he was trying to escape from any sort of conflict. Probably, he doesn’t deal with emotions as openly as I do hence its often (read: always) seems that I am complaining, unhappy or needy or demanding sympathy. I never knew such adjectives can be associated with me (but hey, marriage is a mirror to self!)

Being in a long distance marriage, Mr. K and I tried really hard to dodge any sort of arguments (but have not succeeded so far). Arguments are triggered by me as I am told while his anger is a manifestation of those in his defense.

All I want us to understand and learn in this miscommunication cycle is: If we start to argue over something, we take a step back and determine if it’s something really worth arguing over. 95% of the time, it’s just something stupid and we have to move on.

It’s not sustaining the love that’s tough, it’s getting through the normal bumps when we are oceans apart. So far we have developed communication skills and habits that will help us misunderstand/misinterpret a little less and are growing stronger and more mature in the process. But there is a call for sanity, a breath of fresh air to remind me to stop beating myself up each time it doesn’t work out as intended. Its simple – Just like one cant do the right thing with the wrong person, one can’t do the wrong thing with the right one.

Distance doesn’t makes me tired. Life does. Uff, the big, bad world of Long Distance Relationship. And establishing a long-distance relationship is tough, I am not going to lie.

Advertisements
Categories: General, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Long distance…

I have never, never, never ever been in a long distance relationship. So when we met and later committed to each other, I never realized the emotional-coaster ride I am putting myself into. I anticipated the initial long distance, being in different countries but never factored that his job will still keep him away even if I cross the oceans to be in the same country as him. As we start to plan our wedding, I never realized that I will act crazy and stupid to blow up my relationship with him. I already get the feeling that I have pushed him away and made him distant despite the distance…:(

All I want from him is to:

1. Randomly clue me in. Share with me what he is thinking when I am not probing him for information, tell me about his thoughts and dreams, make me believe I am worthy of his secret thoughts.

2. Give me a call or drop me a text when he is out with his friends/ colleagues or far away for work (if network permits) to let me know that I am on his mind even when we are apart. Not out of sight, out of mind. Not because I feel insecure, but because I am missing his presence.

3. Maintain contact when out together. Yes, PDA – not the sloppy kinds but holding hands, peck on the cheek. Catch my eye from across the room we are out together at a party, let me know that I am beautiful among all in the room.

4. Let me know that he notices my appearance, give me surprise compliments, make it clear he appreciates me . (OK, he does it..)

5. Tell me that he loves me – not misusing or over-using it but each time he means it. There is a power in receiving a good-morning and a good-night. With him a few hours behind in the time zone, I would love too do so but I might come across as someone who doesn’t act her age (37!)

I understand that I don’t always need him to be a “we” or an “us” you’re a YOU! Be that YOU! But being 9 hours flight distance away from him, 5.3 hours behind him and missing his presence around me, I am giving him an image of a partner who is insane and emotionally needy. I am as much surprised as him.

If any one is or have been in a long distance relationship, help me validate my feelings/needs.

Categories: Relationship | Tags: , , , , , | 5 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: