Posts Tagged With: Faith

Should we trust our “Cloud Nine” feelings??

Mr K and I started talking to each other in Oct 2015, and we had that instant recognition, mutually. Within 6 months – BOOM! we were married. Distance separates Mr K and I by thousand of miles and it will remain the same for few more (urghh…tedious visa process). Therefore, I chose to fly down to Mr K to be with him for a week (a romantic person – well, I am!!). Anyways, I just wanted to be beside him, next to him… It felt completely natural and normal to suddenly find the person I want to be with, to have a life and family with. Love and romance can blind us to all kinds of information. So glad I didn’t marry everyone I loved. At the risk of sounding dramatic, I didn’t want anyone else.

Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics.
It just comes — none knows whence —
and cannot explain itself.

~ Mark Twain Eve’s Diary

 I have known people who moved very fast and stayed happily committed for many years. I have known others who took it more slowly, where it seemed they were really getting to now each other, and still were not successful in the long run. We took a crucial decision of spending our life together ‘for better or for worse’ but as my wise man says that he knows he made the right choice (ah, I am on cloud nine! *blush*).

Some couples have only one person head-over-heels up-front, with the other person much more mildly or slowly growing interested. In our relationship, we are one or another in different situations. I love how we can balance each other despite that mild cultural difference. I know: It’s not romantic, but we seem to be in LOVE!love is

When two people feel the same level of love attraction to one another, a relationship can be rewarding and unstressed. But sometimes, one person or the other feels much stronger attraction than the other does. And that can be uncomfortable to even painful for both individuals, eventually. And then we pick on petty stupid stuff on which we laugh later.

Sounds to me as if it’s the way it’s “supposed to” work, as long as we stipulate that there is no such thing as how it’s “supposed to” work. A lifetime isn’t made up of just this week or the past few weeks — and a future life will need plenty of time to unfurl its petals so you can see it. There’s no guarantee that we will know each other completely in a year or in many years or not at all, but when chemicals and hormones will wear off, we will have a better ability to see things as they are.

Dear Mr. K, it won’t always be easy and we will occasionally question our judgment but as we will get along together, we will see more and more aspects of each other, and I am sure we will fall in love more. Why do I know so? 10 years back we spoke for a bit –  so you see we had won the “lottery” a long, long time ago, but instead of checking our numbers, we just kept buying more tickets. (You know what I mean ;-))

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Give another chance, can you?

Whilst I am trying to keep things light around because I am in the happiest phase of my life, sometimes things like relationships becomes a weighty subject.

Like it did for a dear friend of mine – let me call her Annie.

After a string of dates with a series of losers, players, flakes and bores, her next foray into the dating world led her to the classic selfish jerk. She meets a promising man. He’s employed. He’s interesting. He’s passionate about the world around him. He says he wants to get married one day. He seems normal – you know how hard it is to find a normal guy.

But life turned around for her soon enough. He put her down and manipulated her every chance he got. Being inexperienced, she assumed this was normal. Her confidence plummeted, and even after discovering his infidelity few times she didn’t have the courage to break it off with him. She even moved to a different country to be with this man. Basically, she tried everything (Love is blind for many). She didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, and didn’t feel she deserved any better.

In one of their parties, her man’s best friend forced himself onto her. Next day, she confided in her man as he was the only person she really knew who would understand and support her during her emotional distress.

Instead of supporting, he laughed at her. This ignorant “man” told her she “was only good for sex anyway.”

Tragically, part of her believed him.

It’s easy to see why Annie is now terrified of relationships. Even when she meets a guy that seems nice, she rules them out fearing he’s another jerk. She’s wounded and in her own words, “cynical.”

We know intellectually that not every man is as bad as the ones we have encountered. It would be a huge mistake to blame each new guy for the sins of the men in our past.

Nonetheless, moving on is not as easy as snapping our fingers and putting trauma such as infidelity and emotional cruelty behind us. Our experiences are very real, very painful, and they are bound to shade our whole view of the world.

We need to remind ourselvesJust please don’t let them determine it.

Yes, easier said than done!

Categories: Muddled Thoughts, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I read: Before I Die

This book was an impulse purchase at the airport as the title of the book intrigued me. Never did I realize that I will be reading a heart-wrenching story of a sixteen-year-old cancer patient who has a bucket list for her remaining time on earth. Knowing that her life is short-lived, Tessa pushes herself to face facts: “I have two choices – stay wrapped in blankets and die or get the list back together and get on with living.”

Affirmations for life and the importance of family, the story is heart-breaking and despite the hoplessness of the situation, it will suck you in Tessa’s life, a teenager, who discovers that life is worth living the best you can. Making a decision to say “yes” to everything is hard work, and Tessa’s story will push you to take the first step. I felt her hunger for life as she licks an ice-cream stick until “the wood rasps my tongue” and grieved with her and discovered the little pieces of life that normally go slightly unnoticed.

Tessa’s relationships and their interactions thrum with tension and tenderness, that I ached with her at the thought of losing them. In her final moments, we know that her plan worked. Desperate to live what little life she has left, she checks her list of things from her list before she dies (Losing her virginity, doing drugs, experiencing things she’ll never get to experience). For every one item crossed off meant another day alive but also another day closer to her death. Tragic but with a touch of humor, the story is fairly predictable but it will truly make your heart ache. Its simplicity also makes it feels more genuine, as if it is actually written by Tessa. It makes you think about and appreciate your own friends, your family – your very life.

As I read the spareness of Tess’ life made so by her illness, who wants to squeeze in all of life’s moments, it allowed me to enrich my time with meaning and fulfillment. It made me reflect on what’s truly important in my own life. After the story ends, it makes you want to appreciate life and encourage you to start checking off things from Oh-this-I-will-do-later list and just do it. Downham has crafted such a realistic tone that it’s hard to believe Before I Die is a work of fiction.

A sad journey but now I pay attention to the goodbyes, warmth of the sun,  flavors of food that I eat, and wind blowing on my face. There really is beauty in the most simplest things in life but it took this book to open my depressed mind.
My Two Cents: Punched me in the gut with one thing which we take for granted – Life! The description on the back of the book explains it better than I could – “Uplifting, life-affirming, joyous – this extraordinary novel celebrates what it is like to be alive by confronting what it’s really like to die.” Embrace life and believe in magic in everyday life!
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I would do anything for love, but I won’t do…

I am blessed to be in a family who are proof that love exists and when I see old couples in love, it bestows my faith in it a notch higher. Even all my besties have had love marriages (will talk about arranged marriage some other time) which makes me believe in love. They always stump me when I see them going that extra mile for their loved one and later confuse me by cribbing how effort they have to put by living together. My failed relationships are like silver lining. I have my lessons learnt and although I would do anything for love, but____:

  • I can never be an early-riser. I will seek my silent-time in the morning where I enjoy a cup of tea and read the newspaper or simply take a little while to get going. No, I am not grumpy or in zombie-like state. Everyone takes a little time to wake up every morning, right?
  • I won’t give up a night-time bathing ritual. Nothing relaxes me more after a long day of commute and work. A warm shower before snuggling in bed..!
  • I will never share my toothbrush. Hell no!! Ick…
  • I won’t pick up dirty stinky socks or underwear if your habit is to come in the house and drop your coat over a certain chair instead of hanging it up or putting in laundry basket. I will simply move the chair from its place.  If this causes you to think then hang the coat where it belongs.
  • I will continue to enjoy my sweet cravings at night. Please, feel free to dig in my tiramisu or mud cake.
  • I will not enjoy conversations with “Mm hmm, mm hmm, yep…” while simultaneously playing Angry Birds or checking emails or when you’re glued to your iPhone.
  • Flowers are beautiful but bringing long-stemmed roses on self-proclaimed days such as Valentines or on obvious-days like birthday/anniversaries – please No! Peonies or Orchids are even better (if you’re asking).
  • I will not be swayed by inking my name on my wrist or nape of my neck or any body part; or ‘wishing’ I get your name inked on me. A temporary tattoo might be fun, if you may insist!
  • Getting me a ‘a little something’ because you like it sounds selfish to me. I will prefer something which I like so keep listening on the suggestions which I make.
  • I will not enjoy threesome everyday – me, my partner and TV. A quiet evening over a cup of tea or wine and talking about earlier holidays or to plan for one will count as quality time.
  • I don’t think a nickname shows intimacy so don’t call me names like babes or sexy or hottie – Hell no! I believe my nick-name (wait for it – ‘Sweety’) is far more sweeter. I will bend the rule if called Sweetheart!
  • It’s fine to want to be in constant contact, but give some time to miss each other. Smother me with chocolates and perfumes, not with texts and calls.
  • I will nurture my other relationships too. Weekend with my family, close friends or relatives without you is not asking for much, once in a while.
  • I will not remember our fights as I suffer from memory lapse. Lucky you, I break the myth of how females remember the fights. I believe in living in the present! Lets remember the lesson learnt and start afresh after each fight or should I say ‘tiff’. Do not “keep a scorecard” to justify current righteousness unless they are legitimately connected.
  • I will not find small and petty ways to piss you off. I will tell you what actually is upsetting me and then the ball is in your court.
  • It’s really so much about communication. As long as we tell each other what we are expecting or thinking, everything should be fine!

Note: This list is in draft-phase. With passing years, points will be added or reduced based on my relationship with my imperfect partner.

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Dance with Lady Luck!

Don’t we sometimes find our self fantasizing about being lucky? We get excited and fantasize about what we would do if we were to win a huge jackpot ever. In truth, at the start of such a jackpot we are all equally potential winners, even though the odds are definitely long shots, and we can better our odds by purchasing more tickets. However I don’t think we are equally lucky, and the way we feel about luck proves it.

Many people find luck elusive and capricious, and it’s true that while some people seem to be naturally lucky, others seem to have no connection at all! And what about those people who consider themselves unlucky! In my opinion, luck is much more than just a cosmic whim. I feel our luck is strongly aligned with our own attitude toward it, and the choices we make can actually go a long way into creating our own luck.00976-funny-cartoons-losing-weight_thumb

For example, some of the successful people have actually created good luck by looking at problems and stumbling blocks as opportunities. These people just don’t give up when things look bleak or walls seem un-movable. It is true that when trying to tackle a problem, there is always the possibility of not overcoming it. That said, if one quits before one even gives it a good try, that person is most likely eliminating any chances at generating good luck in his favor.

My feeling is that being aware of the pros and cons of opportunities that come our way is a very important part of creating our own good luck. Remember the saying “You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them.” A good card player knows when to stay in the game and when to fold his cards. Often what we mistake as luck, can be simply the fact of having experience and using good judgment. People we may perceive as lucky could just know how to pay attention and to do their research. In this way, they have become good at judging when to move forward and when to step back, thus improving their luck.

Many people we think of as lucky are just very good at preparing for success and they are not afraid of hard work. Preparing for success also affects how often one enjoys what we perceive as good luck. If you want to become an actor you take acting classes, have portfolio taken and look for a good agent. You don’t sit around passively waiting for luck to come your way.

So. if we want to dance more often with Lady Luck, we need to take luck into our own hands. We need to be proactive, prepare our self by working toward our goals. Then when an opportunity comes, we will be ready to shine. That’s how we make good luck happen.

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Its probably all they had…

This picture says it all. We thank God for everything we have but we should always thank our parents for every step that we took!!

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Failure – A misunderstood successful attempt!

At various stages of my life, I was struggling with the fear of failure. I found it frustrating when I started to put something fearfailure1in motion, as simple as an idea with the fear of being unable to complete it. My mind was filled with unecessary thoughts and materialistic things which held me further back. Yes, I paralyzed with fear that I would fail. I could sympathize with this anxiety about failure but was unable to overcome it. I was worried about failure and the idea of disappointing others.

I think I have developed a great sense of mastering failure for few things ;-). I can’t even call it bad decision-making. I make a decision, evaluate it based on my experience on what might happen, and then make another decision based on the results. If something doesn’t work out, I learn as much as I can from it. Then I either find a better way to do it or do something else. That is all I can do.

In my theory, I think it is impossible to fail. There are two choices – I can either allow the negative results of my decisions to knock me down and keep me from trying again, or I begin to count my failures as lessons learnt for my future successes. If I think about it, it makes perfect sense to look at the plans that don’t work as a positive, because they usually direct me to think out of the box in another direction. And there is always the possibility of getting the unhidden results.

Now my theory is not scientifically proven and I am skeptical at various times. Its like trying to stick to a path long enough to find out if it would work for me or not. Behind every failure is a potential for success, and if I give up too soon, I may never know what wonderful thing I could have accomplished.

“Ah, it is easier said than done”, you would think. Yes…and uhmmm No!

Thomas Edison was supposedly asked by a reporter how it felt to have experienced 1,000 failures in inventing his light bulb, and the inventor candidly replied, “I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb.” What if Edison had given up on the first try?

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I read: Parallel by Lauren Miller

“The delicious, semiconscious, edge-of-wonderland kind of sleep, where I’m awake enough to control my dreams but asleep enough to forget that I’m doing it.”

First thing first – I was attracted to the book cover…truly captivating. Isn’t it gorgeous? If I ever get around to writing and selling a book I really hope that my cover art is as gorgeous and as intriguing as the cover of Parallel. What is there to not like about it? Parallel

I love the show Fringe and the idea of parallel universes fascinated me. The idea that your life is constantly changing because the past hasn’t happened yet is so unique and fascinating. The idea that there’s another me, existing somewhere, making choices and taking a path that I wouldn’t take myself, generally makes for a lot of fun what-ifs scenarios. This past year the idea of parallel lives seems to be one of the trends. Instead of sprinkling the world with a little bit of every topic under the sun we seem to be bombarded with books that are very similar in nature. Oddly enough, it is such a cool topic to think about.

**No spoilers here: Don’t worry!!**

The story weaves back and forth between the past and the present to unravel some of the mysteries of parallel universes. Though complex, the story isn’t confusing and the author discusses complex scientific theories like a pro which normally would confuse an average person. She also makes them incredibly entertaining and fascinating thus creating an entire scientific reason behind them. That’s what we tackle here in Parallel, the possibilities of certain actions, big or little as they are, as well as the consequences of it.

Sounds intriguing yet spooky, eh!! Have you ever wondered if there is a parallel you in a parallel world? I am not too fond of mysteries of parallel universes, however Lauren Miller, the author, tied things together without confusing and made everything easy to follow so much so that the ending was something that I predicted, since it just tied everything together neatly. I liked it, but I also thought it was too easy. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a really interesting twist that would have sold me on the book alone.

I really enjoyed the character-making and how they changed with each decision that Abbey (protagonist) made. It’s intriguing to know how new decisions made in the past affects Abby’s present in an entirely new way, almost as if it were being overwritten. It is enjoyable to get caught up in and allow yourself to think about how many ways your own life might have turned out. Just the thought of how one seemingly small decision can alter the trajectory of your life made my mind race.

Can our destiny be altered by one simple choice or reaction to a choice? Or are we born and confined to one true destiny regardless of the choices we make? These questions are addressed by an awesome scientist character, Dr. Mann. He’s a really interesting character, because he’s a scientist who has written theories about parallel worlds and how they might collide.

My Two Cents: I was not disappointed in the least but not impressed either. I am not a great fan this genre but I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a light Young Adult Sci-fi book with a lot of mystery and a bit of love!

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Who writes letters these days?

As I was struggling to fill up a bank deposit slip for my nana, he pointed out to my sloppy writing. “Who writes these days?” I sheepishly defended myself. “Well, you should as you did earlier in your beautiful cursive handwriting”, said my nana softly. When we returned home, he opened a wooden box which had neatly stacked papers. He took out a brown envelope and scooped out few pages. I froze. They were my letters written to him. We sat together, read the letters and recollected those special memories. He read me his favorite parts from few letters- embarrassing school incidents, stupid complaints of my mother, pranks at school and ofcourse my class grades. Really?? I wrote all that to him?? I am glad that I did, because now I experienced each incident in my life twice: once when it actually happened, and once again when we read them.

Back then, when internet was not heard of, one of the most cheapest way of communication was letters. I remember writing letters to my family and friends, and kissing the envelopes before I put them in the mailbox hoping that they are not lost in transit.

Letters are like timeless little snowflakes of love being send to the people we love. Words are wrapped with love for whoever reads it and it builds a special bond which could be treasured forever and indeed are our conversations with the future. They are like journals, which tell stories of our lives to our beloved ones. When I returned to Mumbai, I brought my old box with me. It had some of the most cherished letters from a time when I didn’t really appreciate them but was glad I kept anyway. Reading old letters is like treasure hunting. Somewhere in those faded paper, there is a story that was packed away for years.

A handwritten letter is risky too. Unlike emails, handwritten letters can’t be re-read as soon as they are put in the mailbox, and couldn’t be un-send too. Once sent, it is gone. It is an object that no longer belongs to you but to the one whom it is sent. I often remembered the feeling of what I could have said more than the words which I wrote. More so, it is a one-sided conversation where I can’t see the reaction of the person I have written to, so there’s a great unknown feeling that requires a leap of faith. I have to choose the right words to express in sentences, and then, once the envelope is sealed, I have sent my thoughts to someone else, trusting that the feelings will be understood and intent correctly interpreted.

I suppose, there is a power in the act of handwriting. Have you noticed that the handwriting changes with emotions? They Talk. They Emote. They have life to them. They are thoughtful, honest and original. How childish to think that could be easy.

Well, in digital life of quick phone calls, emails, whatsapp, and snapchat, it’s so easy to never to find the time to write letters. I was so sandwichbusy zip-zapping through my life and looking for ways of connecting with everyone around the world – on my side and the other, that I somehow forgot about my special ‘sandwiched’ generation who are struggling to pace up with us. To be able to write beautiful words to the ones you love is a lost art gone with texting and cell phones. That’s a great pity -for me. I am starting to feel that with every breakthrough (or breakdown) in communication technology, our social connections, although admittedly more frequent, are becoming less visceral.

When was the last time I wrote? By hand. Today evening, I wrote a letter to my nana. I feared that my handwriting letter won’t be legible to anyone but me. And this autocorrect and keyboard shortcuts has made me a lazy speller too. Initially I observed that I was much more reluctant to express my actual thoughts and emotions but soon it was not difficult to  out to pour my feelings, but quite a bit in writing them down. I hadn’t hand-written an entire page since long. I am glad that I did. I can imagine the happiness he would feel when he will tear the envelope to read my handwritten words. Handwriting is a disappearing art!!

Food for Thought: History would have been a mystery if our ancestors did not write them for us. We read those letters to get a better understanding of life, cultures and people way back 100 years. Will my blog be read to understand me? Will my emails to my friends and family be read in the same as I intended it to be? May be photographs and videos would come close, but the handwritten stuff is always close to heart. I feel that the memories can be best retained in the form of letters.

“And that my soul embraces you this hour, and we affect each other without ever seeing each other, and never perhaps to see each other, is every bit as wonderful.” – Who Learns My Lesson Complete? by Walt Whitman

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*Note to my future generations*

I stumbled upon a very sweet incredible but also very emotional piece in the NY Times where a mother,  Jacqueline Mooreis finding solace in sharing the memories of her son, Jordan, who passed away in 2010, through his Facebook page – It’s a presence unique in its way!!

In a strange way, with all due respect, I didn’t find this comforting. I don’t want my loved ones to die, but I don’t think I would be comfortable getting too terribly close to virtual representations of them. I might be unable to accept their absence but can’t bear their virtual presence. Of course, there is nothing wrong with looking through old photos of the loved one every once in a while, but surely it can’t be healthy to live 24-7 with a virtual representation of someone, instead of mourning them then letting them go. But it would not be comforting to have a virtual copy of a deceased loved one.

Technology is advancing so much that very soon people will communicate with their virtual persona even when they can no longer talk to their actual self. They can leave messages and post pictures and videos to their wall, almost as if they were still there. I think especially for friends and family members having this possibility brings up a cathartic effect. I find this an interesting but spooky.

We keep forgetting who we are as a person and who we are with respect to the internet – they are often entirely different personas. That’s certainly an issue with the Internet as we know it today. When you live your life online and have connections with lots of friends around the world you will only notice that a person doesn’t come online anymore. But it is very hard to know why.

**Note to future generations: After I’m gone, please let me rest in peace. I might find the concept of a social networking site active in my name quite disturbing. You can grieve for me, but after a while please recover and live life. I don’t want a piece of software forever reminding you of what you have lost or (even worse) growing and evolving over time into something very different from the original me.**

The other side of the coin is also fascinating – parents who create a social media presence for their children, I always wonder what will children think of their social network profiles when they get older. Will they be amazed or embarrassed or appreciate your effort of introducing you to the world when they were struggling to crawl? I am glad that internet was still being invented in remote areas when I was born. I would hide under the bed and never come out if my parents would have updated my facebook wall like a news feed, tweeted about my stupid innocent questions, instagram-ed every move and cute-bum, and snap-chatted every cry and smile.

BTW, That Can Be My Next Tweet is a cool time-waster app which tells your next tweet based on the DNA of your twitter stream – can we be so predictable? Unfortunately, I think we can….;) What about you?

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