Posts Tagged With: Arranged Marriage

Arranged Marriage – A Misunderstood Union!!

Ahh! Now that you have watched the video which closely showed how arranged meetings leading to marriage go…like a casual interview. In modern India, this is a date arranged by families in India…or simply put, a pre-date before an ‘arranged marriage‘. Indians live under the delusion that arranged marriages are obsolete, but they are not. Dating is a non-existent world here and considered a casual thingy.

Matrimonial ads in Indian newspapers read something like “Match for 25, Never Married, fair, slim, Homely girl”. The famous Indian misnomer “homely” means domestically inclined. Add “caste no bar” which meant a person can belong to any caste…even in this century. It’s too rigidly caste-based and religion-based. Whoaa!! Thats not all. A couple’s star signs are matched to see if they will be compatible in the relationship. Wonder, can we sue the priests if marriage ends in divorce??!! How stupid it is to base one’s entire life on some stars? Now that we are more evolved, I think that horoscopes should be ditched instead medical history should be matched.

I was always intrigued, a decade or so ago, by a wave of arranged marriages within my family and circle of ex-classmates/friends – urban women who enter arranged marriages. I assumed, well-educated and independent as they were, that they would find their partners without help or pressure from their families. When they went in for arranged marriages, I recognized the strong pull of tradition…or probably fatigued from unsuccessful attempts in the dating world.

With all the matchmaking in the air – the explosion of online dating, the resurgence of traditional matchmaking, I think revival of arranged marriage is not that far behind? FOX News interviewed a trend expert who believes that the new way to find a partner could be by returning to the old way. Decades ago, the boy and girl about to be married off the arranged way didn’t have much say in the matter. If the family decided, that was it. My parents got married after ‘seeing’ each other amidst a family meeting. Gives me goose-bumps thinking of it. Although being brought up in India, I am lucky to be a part of the family which I have come to realize is way modern in their thoughts and opinions. Parents might know dealbreaking details that are often overlooked until too late in the dating game but Thank god, I have the veto power.

It’s more like a blind date now, you are set up by your parents and meet before for a coffee and decide whether you like each other. As strange as it may sound, conversations about stability in terms of job, finances, debts and wanting kids come up way earlier even before the first kiss. Sounds like a business deal that have little to do with love. No one worries about chemistry. Of course, if one is lucky enough to have a long courtship which is often than not with consent from family and have spent time getting to know each other, it may be different. But if you haven’t, you should relax and take it slow.

I believe its a happy family because of the qualities of your partner. And it does not depend on whether the marriage is arranged or not. After all it is all respect, caring, understanding, adjustments & some sacrifices that makes a happy married life. Its not about finding your soulmate, or having Mr. Right conveniently stumble into your life. Instead, arranged marriages are about taking a practical approach to finding a life partner based on shared values and goals.

Approach towards Arranged Marriages has changed dramatically in recent generations. Traditionalists may frown upon change, while pragmatists would argue that one must adapt to it. Sociologists reflect on and write about it, while the entrepreneurs among us capitalize on it.

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Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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