Bitter words, bad attitude, biting comments. Contempt is evident. (Check) – Both sides are defensive. (Check) – And my husband stonewalls. (Check).
My K and I knew we want to be married as soon as we met, and we didn’t play games with each other. We got engaged 3 weeks after our first meeting and married 3 months later. Having lived independently most our lives, we live with the delusion that we are mostly right and that our partner need to change. It is a good start, but I am partnered with another human being–with his own needs, desires, plans and schedules. I think we both get wrapped up in our own frustrations and we don’t even realize how our patterns of communication hurt our relationship. It takes effort to speak to one’s spouse gently and lovingly sometimes, but it does pay off in the long run. We clearly love each other and soft words turns away wrath.
When things become challenging or frustrating or unsatisfying in a marriage, it is common to develop the fantasy that there must be something out there that’s better. And the truth is, there probably is something out there that’s easier or more exciting or more fun. But, sinners marry sinners!! 😉 Which, oddly enough, make for a frequently painful first year of marriage.
I have become blindingly infuriated with my husband over some pretty dumb stuff. Last time when we fought, I called my BFF living miles away just to cry my heart out and how we might have made a wrong decision (oh yes, frequent fights over nothing can turn sanest person to re-think and I am just plain Jane). Having known me for 18 years and being married for 10 years herself, she gave me a nice perspective, a sweet sentiment along the lines of “you both will do really stupid things sometimes, but remember–he’s crazy about you just like you are about him”.
I have married a really great guy and I cannot picture my life without him. I owe it to myself, and to each other, to try and address what is causing issues, and see if they can be fixed. He has been honest about his feelings as he is having them, or after he has had a chance to figure them out. He just might not be doing so in the way I would prefer, but he is honoring his commitment to me.
He is the one for me, and God knows that he is the one I need in so many ways. I figure that’s why HE has put us together.