A six sentence email ending relationship is not exactly the new year present one would expect from someone…neither did my friend who was riding the unpleasant roller coaster of a four-year on-again off-again relationship. But so it happened! And for few others. While the world celebrated new years by toasting champagne, eating cakes and dancing through the night, few people wept their way to sleep. It’s terrible that someone who meant so much to you last year, can be a stranger now. It’s amazing what a year can do.
Everyone, at some point in their life, experiences a heartbreak. And I am not going to lie, it is probably the most painful feeling. It feels like the heart has been stomped mercilessly and shattered into a million pieces. It hurts a lot, emotionally and physically. I think one of the worst feeling is finding out that you didn’t mean as much to someone as you thought you did and you just feel stupid. It seems like you gave everything to someone who just walked away with it. You had put someone first who put you second. You gave 110% to someone in a relationship who only gives 40%. Yes, life might seem unfair. But it’s not.
My two cents, LET GO of the fantasy that any other way than how it happened would have been happier. Don’t do “What I Did Wrong” analysis? No matter how much time you spend trying to figure out what went wrong, you will never be inside the other person’s head. One can have a variety of different reasons for breaking up, since we are all complicated creatures. It’s easier said than done but sometimes you have to try because sometimes no matter how much you do, you can mean nothing to someone who means so much to you.
Put away mementos, lean on your friends, or call them or your family instead of your ex when you’re feeling down, or obsessing and tripping. Yes, nothing would snap you out of it. Avoid unhealthy attempts/impulsive actions you may make to repair, stay connected, or seek “closure” as it’s potentially damaging and embarrassing, too!
Believe you me, breakup is like an illness which is undeniably painful yet completely curable. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never got back to how they used to be. You don’t realize as of now why you have to say goodbye to the one you love, but someday you will be thankful it happened for they were planned (just like you were destined to fall in love). Breakup reveals another layer of yourself to you. They shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you move on with your soon-to-be-even-more-fabulous life.
Everything you’re thinking and feeling is totally normal and you shouldn’t feel guilty for being sad and upset, but you SHOULD feel guilty for not moving on and it’s the healthiest thing for you to do!!! Move past the “I’m perfect, he’s the loser” salve. Sometimes two great people just don’t make a great couple, but sometimes we doom ourselves to repeat history if we don’t face our own failings.
“Let God write your love story,” is what my mother advocates when I went through a heartache. So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about. You can take all those dreams and expectations that you have for a relationship and take them to someone who will make them come true, and slowly you’ll forget the break up and probably see it as a blessing.
How long it takes to get over a breakup, courtesy of Ted’s friends: Lily (Half the time of the relationship), Marshall (A week for every month), Robin (10,000 Drinks), Barney (Steps from the bed to the door). Well, to each its own :). Time moves slowly for the brokenhearted…I know. I survived and you will too.