Un-perfect timing…

Snippet from a story which I read somewhere from the ancient Greek about The Origin of Love:

There was Aristophanes’ Androgyny, Plato’s anecdote on the origins of love and mankind. The story recounts the primordial androgyny, mythical creatures with four arms, four legs and two heads. They epitomized completeness and were able to do almost anything. However, their pride in their abilities angered the gods and caused Zeus to cut them. Separated in two, they were destined to drift alone, empty and incomplete, longing for their former halves. For Plato, the androgyny is the symbol of wholeness, and the pursuit of it, is what love is.

Heart-warming, ain’t it?!!

I totally believe in the idea of love. I am a sucker for romance. Despite my heartaches and programming myself for listening to my mind, I fail miserably and obediently do what my heart tells me. Do I want my heart to learn to do only what it is suppose to do – pump the blood? Nooo… (:

Way back in 1994, we fell in love. It was love at first sight for him, he said. After my initial hiccups, I grew to love him. Our families chalked our dating schedule: 30 mins of phone conversation before dinner-time daily and a lunch or dinner on Saturday, with the thumb-rule that he would pick and drop me from my house. Smart parents, isn’t it?…although at that time they appeared as hitlers (LoL!).

Ours was an altruistic love where we accepted each other as we were and didn’t try to change anything…atleast intentionally. Ok, a teeny-weeny adjustments were made but it was all out of love. No pretentions, no impressions, no woo-ing but just us. I loved his uncanny ways of getting what he wanted while making me look like the ‘decision-maker’. He was intelligent and always ethically correct, and…oh, with a smile which melted my heart each time and he knew this (Damn it!).

And then I decided to move to Delhi for college. I bite my tongue when I say that this is the only decision I wish I had NOT taken…all by myself. He was shocked!! We hugged and cried (puppy love!!) and promised to be in constant touch…in an era when cell-phones were for the rich and internet was unheard of. Letters, yes..handwritten letters, were the only medium. I wrote to him daily as if creating a journal…rambling and painting my new life, city, friends, places in words for him, and our 10 min midnight calls (out-of-city calls were cheaper by 1/4th around midnight). Wow, being on love these days seems so easy with technology!

Anyways, a year passed but distance creeped in…and we decided to mutually part ways. No, it was not easy…definitely not!! I felt imagesCAW0MT2Pthe tingling touch as we shook hands – the ‘sign’ that we are drawing a line now. I glanced in my rear-view mirror as he stood there watching me drive away. It was a sweet relationship which happened too early in life when I was not ready to embark on a journey called marriage. It was a beautiful relationship but the timing was not right.

If I was granted a wish, I would want to turn back time when I boarded the train to Delhi for my college…just to see the turn of events. Was it the right decision? No, if I go back in time and think, but definitely yes, as I see where I am today.

Old memories of being in love can be painful but not all are. I don’t attempt to wipe out those memories. It’s said when one feels low, one should close their eyes and think of happy memories. Thats what I do – I just feel what I am feeling and don’t analyze.

Memories have this uncanny way of taking us back in the past. Memories bring us down but not each one of them. Not many a times, someone flashes in your mind and without fail, always makes you smile. I fondly remember the goods times we have shared without bursting into tears. He pops into my head sometimes, and it doesn’t mean anything deep. Memories of our times are not painful because our 4-year journey of togetherness was filled with innocent love, fuelled in with trust and understanding and silly tiffs. Those memories offer me the belief that love like that exists and I will find it in my lifetime.

Did you experience something close-to-perfect when the timing was not? I would love to hear…

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