I am NOT where I thought I would be at the age of 34. This was definitely not my plan. Not at all. But I know my life is MY life and I have created it. I am where I am today because of the choices I have made along the way. And I can honestly say I am proud of them and proud of my life, even though it’s turned out to be a surprise to everyone, including me.
At times, I am distracted by my own denial of self worth. I am frozen in my tracks by the mere thought of attempting something slightly different. I am not content in my current profile in my new company – it is not aligning with my career path, and am so drained by the end of the day…I just cant think.
I love Margaret Meade’s quote today, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.” Well, I am in THAT “small group.” Immediately, my mind comes in and says, “How dare you say such an egotistical thing that most people will laugh at.” My heart responds, “You know it is true; this is all that matters. You are already changing the world by changing yourself; Keep going.” “Hypocrite!” my ego screams. “The way is out, is the way through!” my heart replies.
The present moment is our future. I have been distracting myself with my future. What? Huh? I distract myself with MY FUTURE, all the while my loved ones need more from me. Loved ones who are right there for me.
My typical attitude with life is go-go-go. I pride myself on my efficiency. So when I get to a pausing point, or a slowing point, it stresses me out. Sometimes I even feel “frozen” by my stress and anxiety. I usually will come home after work, then I am so tired and drained from a dreamless-job that I know I could be better. I am not giving my dream “my best”, it’s getting the tired “seconds”. I wish to switch it around to wake up and give my dream my best one morning.
I am amazed by the people who are able to overcome these distractions and really make space for their calling. Keeping the dream alive is difficult when you don’t see any real progress. It’s a lonely place sometimes, just me and my dream, but all of the little things I can do every day, no matter how little time I have to devote to it, will add it up over time.
I am following an ever shifting path – running at times – and slowed down at other times by the difficulty of the trail. I have learnt that it’s okay to pause. It’s not always full speed ahead towards achieving my dreams. In fact, the biggest lessons may be learned at those times I am slowed down and made to see something I would not see if I was simply running by – many other things are important in my life – things for me to experience – along the path to achieving my dreams. I believe it’s important to stay on the path, to not be lured off it by the many habitual time-wasters out there or by any miserable souls who would love to suck you into their negative reality and drain all of the positive energy out of you. But, all the different paces are necessary. The slow times pop up for a reason! So I continue on my path – running as I can but slowing as I must.
I am inspired to write this quote… “I work hard to accomplish the meaningful things in my life, so that my life will not be remembered as meaningless.” -Giorge Leedy