Some believe that men and women basically use different parts of their brains. Often heard are: “The left brain thinks, the right brain feels.” “The left brain analyzes, the right brain intuits.” “The left brain is logical, the right brain is emotional.” Likely, our thinking, feeling, and loving are more complex than these simple statements; yet, at least on occasion (likely more often) men and women think and feel differently and express themselves differently.
Most couples get married when they still have the euphoric feelings of being in love. When these euphoric feelings evaporate some time after marriage and differences begin to emerge, they often find themselves in conflict. With no positive plan for resolving conflicts, they often find themselves speaking harshly to each other. Harsh words create feelings of hurt, disappointment and anger.
We claim to have put in much effort to make the other feel loved yet ironically, we have felt under-loved and under-appreciated by our partner. When our relationship is in crisis, common sense goes out the window and we start trying crazy things to solve the problem or you can’t even TRY to solve it at all and it spirals out of control. The problem is most people love how they want to be loved, and that doesn’t tend to align with how their partner wants to be loved. We don’t really understand what our partner needs because it is SO DIFFERENT from what each of us need. We don’t realize how much our actions or lack of actions affects the other person. Our expression of love is more of a matter of personal preference and sometimes the right words to express something elude us – different individuals will respond differently to each of them.
Love is hard work. It is no rocket-science however we are unable to figure out the simplicity of a relationship’s health or broken-ness until it ends. As we know, love is more than a feeling…love is what you do, which is why we’re so confused by the whole thing.
People like myself are lunk-headed who see that love is beyond roses and chocolates. In reality, we need to know other’s person want of expression in order for the love cup to be filled. Gifts, Words, Service, Touch, Attention… everyone gives and receives love differently. In the beginning of a relationship…everything is hot and heavy…and you are just happy that someone is into you. But as time marches on, the love you give can fall on deaf ears…. And then all of a sudden you don’t feel appreciated and the cycle of a relationship ending looms overhead. It’s because you keep loving the other person the way that you feel loved rather than the way they feel loved. It’s not easy to change the way you love someone… but it is all about speaking the other person’s language.
One of best ways to tell someone “I Love You” is to say “I love you just the way you are.” Love is what you do, not only an emotion, which is why we’re so confused by the whole thing. The principle here is if you want to be accepted in any relationship you should give your acceptance first. How many of us really want someone to relentlessly badger us to change this or change that about ourselves. Change in itself can be difficult, but that is another subject to consider.
In ballroom dancing it has been said that “it takes two to tango,” and “it takes one to lead.” I have learned from many others, a successful, lasting, and happy relationship involves two great forgivers and apologizers. I have found that those who never or almost never say “I’m sorry” have difficulties with their working and personal relationships.
A good question to ask yourself at the beginning of each day: “What will I do today that shows I both love and respect people around me?” TIP: While certainly one positive act or action daily is a good start, many are even better and will bring more benefits.