Like two sides of a single coin, every woman is different – just like my mom and me. Similarly, my relationship with my mom was both satisfying and frustrating, harmonious and discordant, and full of blessing and hurt. There are two sides to every story and everyone has their own story.
No matter how strong our bond is, there were turbulent times, challenges, and transitional periods that put a strain on our relationship. Many times, it was when I am making my own way through the “real world” and striving to find my own identity in my world. She was finding it hard to deal when I was choosing a different lifestyle than she would have chosen for me. It was like riding a rollercoaster that I couldn’t get off. Parts of it left me screaming, “Let me off!”. I wanted to feel that my mom is not trying to “fix” things for me, but instead that my mom has confidence in me that I will figure even this tough situation out, and I will find a solution. Instead of giving advice on everything, especially when the advice was not requested, just listen, provide support, and believe in.
We did, at times, have similarities but also realized that we are individual people. The relationship problem with adult daughter like me occur when my mother still perceives me as a child. Initially, she did have a hard time in letting go…letting me learn from my own mistakes. Well, I understand that it’s hard, because she looks back on her younger years, and want to shelter me from what mistakes she probably made at that time.
As a daughter…I sometimes struggle with my mom’s desire to still parent me in my 30s. Yet, I might be following similar footsteps with my own daughter when I have one. Will relationships ever be easy? I doubt it. Women are women…regardless of age…we are intricate, complex and sometimes (especially like me in my family) stubborn.
My mom would relate an incident, and I would explain what I was feeling about the same situation. Together we have really faced some incredible circumstances. We had numerous occasions/situations wherein we allowed each other the freedom to be who they are and trust their judgement. Like all moms, she has opinions. At times, I think she should keep opinions to herself until asked. You know what? I ask her a lot. As I grow older, we are singing more in tune than ever but sometimes we still get off-key, but as practice makes perfect, we start again and enjoy the beautiful harmonies when we find them.
We get along, for the most part, with eachother but it seems that sometimes I just don’t understand her and she doesn’t understand me. We still have our “moments”. Now, although she doesn’t agree with accepting my worldly decisions, but she does agree that she should love them unconditionally.
Even as a young child, I can remember as far back all through high school, all my friends wished they had a relationship with their mother like I had with mine. I don’t know how many times I’ve said “I could never have picked a better mother than the one God gave me.” (And secretly wish my daughter would pray the same)
Happy Mother’s day to my Mom…my Angel!!
- 25 Things My Mom Taught Me (todaysfreshmanna.wordpress.com)