I must confess my G-spot wavers. Yes, I do believe in miracles – not to believe requires a leap of faith.
Sometimes when events in my life take me with surprises/ shocks, I find myself asking ‘WHYs?’ – What do I believe about my life? Why am I here? Where am I going? Is life just a mindless fumbling through a maze or does it have purpose and meaning? What does the future hold, a depressing existence and then the promise of hope and a future? What is HE up to? These questions and many more. Answering these questions requires spending a whole lot of time digging into the issues — and debating both sides for greater clarity. I didn’t know whether or not to pray scriptures, get on my knees each time I pray each day, get counseling, rebuke Almighty, start fasting, or give more money to charity. As my parents always say, ‘HE took it away so that HE could give you something better than what you think is best. HE thinks at a much higher level than we can possibly fathom.’
I am in the process of learning that my feeble attempts to manipulate and control Almighty by my prayers and whining will not work. I have learnt to speak to my heart and allow myself to see that I had only been managing my circumstances. It is my reactions to the incidents and events in my life that makes me happy or sad. I have grown up believing that certain events of our life are pre-destined by Almighty. I sometimes wonder if it was pre-destined, why did it have to happen? However, as we grow, we need to learn lessons – for deeds which we might have intentionally or unintentionally done to cause hurt or pain to someone.
Having found the God-Spot within myself, my response to my problems has slowly changed as my trust has grown. This may have alleviated some anxiety (true!). That’s not really my focus anymore, so it’s hard to measure. But I am happy. From being a lunatic who could not go an hour without thinking obsessively about my crisis to someone who has learnt to truly let go. I am actually living again! And the WHYs are pretty much gone.