(Not) Single On Purpose

I am not single on purpose. It just worked out that way, after all life is not a romantic comedy. Whatever point-counterpoint, yin-yang recognition, falling head-over-heels, at first sight things which happens to others to find THE ONE to marry, it has not happened to me. They say, “Someone for everyone. When you know, you know.” Hollywood promotes this idea and so do our overbearing aunts and mother. And I believe them (Ahem!). But I also know it doesn’t happen for everyone. As Diane Keaton, Then Again, said “I never found a home in the arms of a man.”

I am asked: Why are you still single when so many around you are married? What are you waiting for?…

I wonder: Is it luck? Is it fate? Were there any 20 different things I could have done differently? …

Society cast singles as miserable lonely hearts, choosy, selfish or damaged to marry. It is maddening to be considered “half a person” simply because you’re single. The whole world is obsessed with finding me a partner, because they dictate that I’m not REALLY happy unless I have the Happy Ending. I think people have good intentions but they just assume that you want the same things that they do.

Being single is marvelous…and easy. If I feel like leaving dishes in the sink, taking an impromptu trip, going to a lounge, buying a new car, etc. I don’t have to convince anyone. Having a partner and ally has its advantages. But, it also makes me wince with pain when people tell me they envy my freedom.

I am the sole navigator on my life’s journey, and while there have been a few bumpy unexpected turns and even scary intervals along the way, the future ahead looks inviting. Some things seem to happen for reasons not understood. I will always dance to my own beat and the idea of committing the rest of my life to someone do resonate deeply but that ‘special someone‘ just hasn’t arrived.

I am not of the opinion that relationship is not needed and do not think life is better lived alone. At least, not yet!! However, I do want to be in a relationship with someone (unlike Mr. Wonderful) with the belief that it will add something fundamentally good to my life. But we all know life can be a struggle regardless of relationship status.

What scares me is being with someone all the time who’s not in alignment with your own values, interests, etc. is far worse than being alone. Many people are so desperate for companionship that they dive into a permanent one through marriage. Companionship is where you find it, and it doesn’t have to be a formalized relationship.

I don’t blame my “single-on-purpose” status on never meeting Mr. Right ‘cos I know he does not exist and never will. However, I agree wholeheartedly that it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. I just don’t want to forget who’s choosing the bad relationship – ME. Which means that I can choose a good relationship and a good marriage when I am good and ready.

Till then. I have come to realize that sometimes I have to stand alone…just to make sure I still can. I can’t be scared to go out there and get it. And even if things don’t work out, I will always be able to say “I tried“.

Once we give up the need for things to happen by a certain time, the universe guides us along the way. Time is the one thing we don’t control. The universe follows its own mysterious clock. There is no way to deem something a failure simply because it hasn’t occurred yet. When we listen to our inner wisdom, we receive guidance that knows things we could not possibly know to help us navigate our journey through life.” ~ Don Shapiro, Author of ‘Life Is A Fork In The Road’.

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “(Not) Single On Purpose

  1. My path is different than yours, but I highly support your outlook.

    You are SO right that a person with whom you would choose to spend your life should be in alignment with your views and interests. I would add that they should be someone supportive of those as well. However, I would also add that this is not to say that they are just like me (I’m pretty sure that I would find living with my identical version to be horrible), but their differences would be of the nature that I could value and support.

    Positive relationships at all levels are valuable, not just “the” relationship. I believe there are a number of people in the world with whom each of us could be happy (OK, maybe not Charles Manson), so there really is no Ms. or Mr. Right, but that does not necessarily mean that all will meet or even desire to do so. There should be no rush, but many often feel so.

    Nicely written piece, and I thank you for allowing me to rethink this topic.

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