Everyday Love (Drawings by Nidhi Chanani)

As soon as i stumbled upon everydayloveart.com, I was lost in a fascinating world of story-telling. Each illustration – no arbid doodles, are simple yet speaks a story by themselves. Inspirations drawn from her life, experiences, relationships and world surrounding her…she makes everything so colorful and beautiful. Take a moment to visit her website and explore her drawings. Sip chai (hot cup of tea) as you will be a while out there.

All images by Nidhi Chanani, everydayloveart.com

**Being a storyteller by using her drawings**

Self-realization

I am NOT where I thought I would be at the age of 34. This was definitely not my plan. Not at all. But I know my life is MY life and I have created it. I am where I am today because of the choices I have made along the way.  And I can honestly say I am proud of them and proud of my life, even though it’s turned out to be a surprise to everyone, including me.

At times, I am distracted by my own denial of self worth. I am frozen in my tracks by the mere thought of attempting something slightly different. I am not content in my current profile in my new company – it is not aligning with my career path,  and am so drained by the end of the day…I just cant think.

I love Margaret Meade’s quote today, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.”  Well, I am in THAT “small group.” Immediately, my mind comes in and says, “How dare you say such an egotistical thing that most people will laugh at.” My heart responds, “You know it is true; this is all that matters. You are already changing the world by changing yourself; Keep going.” “Hypocrite!” my ego screams. “The way is out, is the way through!” my heart replies.

The present moment is our future. I have been distracting myself with my future. What? Huh? I distract myself with MY FUTURE, all the while my loved ones need more from me. Loved ones who are right there for me.

My typical attitude with life is go-go-go. I pride myself on my efficiency. So when I get to a pausing point, or a slowing point, it stresses me out. Sometimes I even feel “frozen” by my stress and anxiety. I usually will come home after work, then I am so tired and drained from a dreamless-job that I know I could be better. I am not giving my dream “my best”, it’s getting the tired “seconds”.  I wish to switch it around to wake up and give my dream my best one morning.

I am amazed by the people who are able to overcome these distractions and really make space for their calling. Keeping the dream alive is  difficult when you don’t see any real progress. It’s a lonely place sometimes, just me and my dream, but all of the little things I can do every day, no matter how little time I have to devote to it, will add it up over time.

I am following an ever shifting path – running at times – and slowed down at other times by the difficulty of the trail. I have learnt that it’s okay to pause. It’s not always full speed ahead towards achieving my dreams. In fact, the biggest lessons may be learned at those times I am slowed down and made to see something I would not see if I was simply running by – many other things are important in my life – things for me to experience – along the path to achieving my dreams. I believe it’s important to stay on the path, to not be lured off it by the many habitual time-wasters out there or by any miserable souls who would love to suck you into their negative reality and drain all of the positive energy out of you. But, all the different paces are necessary. The slow times pop up for a reason! So I continue on my path – running as I can but slowing as I must.

I am inspired to write this quote… “I work hard to accomplish the meaningful things in my life, so that my life will not be remembered as meaningless.” -Giorge Leedy

Loss of Words!!

A blank page… It has so much potential, isn’t it? If I was a literary genius I would be able to write a master piece perhaps…each day.

Now that I’ve set the right expectations, and if you are still around to read more, let me state that I have absolutely nothing to write that could possibly be even remotely interesting to you. This blank page is a waste of words. I’m sure by now you agree with me and would have stopped reading. But there are some curious people out there that will continue to read just out of curiosity to see why the little black letters continue to go on even after the blogger has stated that she has nothing to write about.

The thing about writing is that anyone who knows how to write can well, write! But that does not make everyone who writes a writer, just like anyone who can hold a paint brush and paint a wall does not become a Michelangelo. There is a big difference in the painter who paints walls and the painter who paints pictures, so I suppose there is a big difference between a writer who writes her ramblings (like me) and a writer that writes a masterpiece novel.

Ah! now I’m just at a loss of words…:)

Tall, Dark and Handsome? Nah…

I more or less had a list of traits I NEEDED in a man (things I was not willing to compromise on). More often than not, it is a painful process to realize the man you think is right is so fundamentally wrong for you – one can identify with that struggle, right? And few of my married girlfriends – they make excuses to stay in a bad relationship.

From a tall, dark and handsome in my teenage years to now wanting someone faithful and honest. Click here to read a blog post to know that not all tall, dark and handsome are the right ones neither are they the wrong ones. We just want someone to understand what we enjoy, and let us be.

Every night… (Just For Laughs)

Are you save-for-rainy-day type?

Yet one of my irrelevant fluff post but I simply allowed a free flow of thoughts from one to another. (Does it happen to you too? Or am I insane?) Ah well, let me just share it with you!

How it started…

While getting ready for work today morning, I found in my closet that there are a few piece of clothing which I bought from high-end stores years ago still have price tags on them. I bought them with the hope that someday, on some parties I might be able to wear them. Right now I am not so sure whether I will even wear them or if they will fit me anymore.

And it reminds me…

If you have watched West Wing, you will notice that the president recycles one of his conservative-baiting speeches from season one into season two. While you never want to plow over plowed ground, sometimes a notion gets better when you give it time to percolate.

The guilt trip…

New books I really want to read? Sitting on shelf being “saved” for 10 years (Now I frequent CrossWords, a). New clothes? Yep, in closet, hanging, with tags on for months. Bottles of wine or vodka? Yep, taking up space.

Walked down the memory lane…

I grew up in the middle class (like most) and my parents were economical in regards to money. So I am definitely a “save for rainy day” type. I always think twice in splurging on something which I might need or might use or is half its price now. And if I do (Oh yes!!), I always save baubles and pretty scarves and fragrances for “special occasions.”

It can be perceived as consumer behavior…… this is an opportunity for every retailers and manufacturers *wink**wink*

Well, I tried to get rid of this habit few years back. Now, every few months, I do a clear out – this last time I did a slide show of favorite pieces of my clothing that I have loved and kept over the years, but that I don’t wear any more. I see those cute outfits more now than I ever did stuck in my closet. I still have few old sweaters/t-shirts that I can’t and won’t part with, but there is something to be said to putting off happiness!

Never really knew it was a global problem. People hoard just like the royalty did in ancient Egypt, who harbored a belief that all the accumulated wealth, will do them good in their next life. People hoard wealth and grow old, but refuse to part with it in their lifetimes, thinking that they will lose their importance. Wealth cannot grow, unless it flows!

One of my colleague did the same with candles and a few other things, like really good perfume. Since the beginning of 2013, she has “burned up” three candles and refuses to buy any more until her “inventory” looks more reasonable. The perfume will take longer.

Like Scottie F. said, “Right now is plenty special enough!” You have to be comfortable with new, in order to discard old ( Hmmm … I wonder if that includes T-shirts). This is something many people experience in varying degrees and is really a function of anxiety. It’s the “what-if” phenomenon. I always have a spare or replacement “just in case” I can’t get more later. I see it all too often in my practice, and the idea of “spending out” can be a cute way for some to challenge it. Its not about spending out, its about spending better, right? Idiosyncratic but if it makes you happy.

And my train of thoughts…

People withhold things that would be better given away. There’s a saying in sports: You waste the energy you don’t spend on the field. Here are a few things I think fall into that category:

• Ideas: A small piece of information at the right time is worth more than “perfect” information that is too late.
• Feedback: Continuous feedback throughout the year is more useful than an annual review coming after the period when the information could have been used.
• Courtesy: Being friendly as a rule gets better results than acting friendly only when you need something from somebody.

Life is too short to do something for ourselves. Whether it is the clothes we wear, the things we feel, or the effort we expend on a project. We should give it our best and do our best. Holding back for another time doesn’t make sense personally or professionally. We can never really know what or when is the right time to give our all. The impact we have by not doing the best we can with all we have will never be known. The intimates of our lives may not matter to anyone else but when we know we have done our best with the best we have, we can be satisfied. It doesn’t matter if everyone is happy with that effort, we can look back on it and how it turned and know that we did the best we could with what we had. If we can’t find joy and happiness in that, then we never will be happy. Spending out is the only way to live our life without looking back at it with regrets.

Why wait until tomorrow to look and feel our best…it’s not guaranteed!

So, What do you do?

Raise your hand if you wonder the best way to respond when asked “What do you do?” as a conversation ice-breaker in a social gathering. However, it is interesting that people define themselves in so many ways, by so much different criteria. I believe that ultimately self-defining in many instances is derived by what is most socially accepted. When it comes to a job if it is not considered a good or upstanding job role then one might defer from using it to define him or herself. But if it is a job with a bit of prestige associated with it the job holder would be more inclined to define him or herself by that role. Acceptance is a huge factor in our current society. People believe that image is everything without even saying it. We want to be a part of something, a need to belong and when we don’t fit in with the “group”, we are often viewed as odd. This is felt acutely by women who were previously high flyers but have opted out to look after children. No one pays such ladies any attention the minute they hear “taking time out”.

Anyways, so what do we actually do?? As humans, we are always looking for something BETTER to do. We want to reach heights in whatever we are doing to maximize our labor value. Job no longer means only to feed ourself and our family. I represents this identity as a human being. I believe that job shows how much dedicated and hard-working person we are. However, a job can’t describe us as a human being for sure. For some people, job is a mean to pay off their bills which can be understood as these people have family and kids to look after which is a great job in itself.

It is true that simply striving for ‘better’ can be an unachievable goal, purely because the mountain to climb is never-ending! Hence, it is not only important to set realistic targets, but also to be happy with the small things in life, which can often be overlooked in today’s fast-paced world. We are all in the pursuit of our own happiness, in some cases people express this in a material manner, often only too late realizing that life is about you “have” and not about what you “own”.

It’s the Puritan ethic: success shows salvation. Unfortunately, in becoming “better” human beings, we tend to deteriorate into human “doings.” I like being busy. I also cherish my time to myself: reading, blogging, etc. I don’t talk about challenges because that sounds like guidance counselors and other inspirational types I don’t trust. I just -do-. Maybe I mention it, maybe I don’t, thereafter. Somehow, it’s hard to adapt our psyches to reversion to the mean. But you know? When we are unhappy about work or lack thereof, at least it’s a known thing and an acceptable reason.

Everything in life is a compromise, we have got to find balance, equilibrium and motivation that works for us! I agree with the philosophy of doing whatever works to create the ideal work and life balance I desire. I describe my balanced life philosophy as “always happy, never satisfied”. Being satisfied and being complacent are two very different things that shouldn’t be confused…

It’s nice to see that people in positions of power are beginning to realize that a company’s bottom line is not only dependent upon productivity but also state of mind. Enlightened employers are trying to make it their business to understand their employees aspirations and can harness this positive energy in a good way for the benefit of all. A job or job title will only define you if you allow it too. As long as the work is interesting, challenging and supports our chosen lifestyle who cares which seat we occupy. A widely cited bon mot attributed to Aristotle reads “We are what we repeatedly do; Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” For me, it is very easy to have my job becoming part of identity and Oh! striking this balance between pursuit of happiness and satiable ambitions is so difficult.

Our job is simply one facet of us. It’s important also to develop a “personal hinterland” beyond our job/career – friends, family, hobbies, etc. that also help define us as a person. Whilst jobs can certainly lift us and improve our feelings of self-worth, allowing them to define us completely and leaves us potentially vulnerable in a psychological sense. In times of difficulty at work, we can often draw strength from our hinterland. There is often a big gap between realistic expectations and dreams and this is where we can fall in the abyss of depression.

While it is true that a slight amount of dissatisfaction with the status quo is necessary to get ahead, we often mistake change for getting ahead. Is an increase in wages, a change in title or change in your role getting ahead or is getting ahead about staying relevant, heading towards mastery in what you do and having a sense of purpose? In the social space, is it about eating at better restaurants and having “better” friends or is it about having a sense of well-being with a home cooked meal and close friends?

There are perks and drawbacks of being ambitious. Just one question; unsatisfied = ambitious? unsatisfied = unhappy? I´m not sure. Ambitious workers but happy persons; difficult formula but probably the good one to make the world turn. Perhaps the emphasis on achieving the goal is the issue, rather than the quest?

In the words of the immortal Sachmo, when asked “What is jazz?”: If you have to ask, you’ll never know.

Princess Myth!!

Before you read further:  Today’s post shouldn’t come across as an extremist feminist rant, but more as an examination of how our culture may very well be stifling and causing unintentional harm to both young boys and girls by forcing them to fit into certain roles.

I was reading “Why So Few? Women in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics“, a research report from the American Association of University Women, which lays out many of the challenges women face in those fields. One of its points is the role that stereotypes play in how girls perceive their own success in these fields, and how gender stereotypes play a role in girls’ confidence. The report is fascinating and accessible; I highly recommend reading it.

When I was a teenager in the 1990s, I sort of assumed that by the time I have kids, we would be living in a relatively gender-neutral world where all children would feel free to try all kinds of things. Well, obviously, that didn’t happen yet and I do not see it changing. Toys shop still have its “pink” and “blue” sections. I am surprised with the rise of the color pink to define girls (less than 100 years ago, believe it or not, that color was associated with boys and blue with girls!). It’s clear that gender stereotyping issues appear early in life (after all, it was Barbie who famously proclaimed “math is hard!”). And over the years, the vast majority of the gifts given to kids are gender-segregated: crafts and clothes for girls, Legos and building toys for boys. It’s so hard to find a gender-neutral toys.

Our culture does tend to pigeonhole girls, it also does the same for boys. Girls may be teased for playing with toys that aren’t “girly” enough, but boys in our culture aren’t exactly free to deck themselves out in pink and play with dolls and purses.

While I don’t have children, it’s impossible to not notice both the pink phenomenon and the princess phenomenon. Do these well-marketed phenomenons play into gender stereotypes?

Little girls eventually grow out of this princess stage but they retain the message that perfection, and appearance is what is important. That it is better to look good than to feel or to think positively about their actions and activities. Girls eventually equate how they look with how they feel; they only feel positive about themselves when they think they are pretty and stylish and thin enough. This is encouraged by the massive marketing industry that starts with movies and TV and then moves on to toys, cosmetics, and clothing. It is everywhere. And it is overwhelming. How do you convince girls that “fat is not a feeling” when Kate Moss says “Nothing tastes better than skinny feels”?

I deeply connect to the way that girls are socialized, even though I grew up in a time when Lego ads featured girls and my mom dressed me in red. I too had a Barbie girl, and I remember how my mom tried to help me view all girl culture – more critically. However, I was an adult when the Princess phenomenon began. Fairy tales should not really blamed for anything, but treated more as symptoms and representations of issues. Cinderella with Little Mermaid, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty get pretty much equal second billing together. However, let’s admit that not all Cinderellas are created equal. (It is gratifying to see that Daisy selected Wonder Woman as a favorite character.)

Remember the furor surrounding the Twilight novels?? After having read the first, I wasn’t eager to read the remaining series, feeling that it was a story that more or less glorified a very unhealthy relationship between two teens–and this had nothing to do with the fact that Edward is a vampire. I was, rather, disturbed by Bella’s lack of self-identity and with how Edward exercised an inordinate amount of control over her. But why girls might find the series so compelling: Bella isn’t the prettiest girl in the school, she isn’t the most popular, she doesn’t dress the most provocatively and, yet, she’s the one girl in school who captures Edward’s attention. Maybe girls are just relieved to find a book in which the romance does not center around sex or around the extreme “hotness” of the female character. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that there just might be something to it.

I am teeny-weeny concerned about what our consumer-driven/ Disney princess/ Facebook culture is doing to our little girls. I am concerned about the way girls “package themselves” as a brand in the online world, and the permanence and rapidity of information exchanged by kids on the web. The girls need to develop their inner selves rather than just packaging their outer selves. In trying to be hot and sexy at all times, girls are becoming more and more disconnected from any sort of healthy sexuality. In defining themselves so emphatically by their looks, growing numbers of girls are describing sex in terms of how they thought they looked rather than in terms of how they felt.

This means that, not only are girls sometimes made objects by boys, they are also making objects of themselves. Rather than defining who they are based on how they think, what they feel, what they believe, girls are defining themselves according to their physical assets.

Personally, I wanted to be a princess-fireman. A princess with a back-up plan. I didn’t pay heed to it earlier, but this makes good sense now. Sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you would hope, sometimes the prince leaves the princess with a mortgage on the castle and there she is princess struggling to make ends meet. What parent would want that for their daughter? What daughter would want that for herself?

People say boys are more difficult when they are young and girls are more difficult as they get older. Agreed. Little boys don’t like to sit still. Or follow rules. Or use toilets. But raising girls to become the type of women that they should be (that we need them to be) requires a great effort. I would want to teach my girls to rise above worldly expectations (and acceptances) and be virtuous, confident, independent, pleasant, balanced, remarkable, noble.

Roll With It..!!

“So what do you hope to be doing 5 years from now?“

That’s a common question asked by hiring managers in many job interviews, and certainly a question that I have been asked both as a candidate and as a hiring manager in interviews. Ambitious candidates often have a plan as to where they “hope” to be professionally in their chosen field.

But what if the same question was asked for your life?

Let’s face it, we all have some idea of how we would like life to turn out. But the reality is that life usually doesn’t end up looking like the picture we had in our head. We tend to get a little (or a lot) out of sorts when things don’t go as we plan.

We as humans like to make plans for our lives. I think most of us go through life expecting everything to go just as we planned it. To get that great job, find that perfect companion and get married, buy a great house and raise our 2 kids, and retire somewhere to gracefully live out our days watching our children and grandchildren. But realistically, that isn’t always how it happens. We are yet to find that perfect mate, or maybe they walked out on you because they didn’t want to be married anymore. That great job you always wanted didn’t roll the final offer to you. In an instant, all those things you have planned for go up in flames. We go through our own seasons of great difficulty – the ones we didn’t ask for and above all we didn’t expect. I, too, wondered about the answers, explanations, solutions…

But what if we didn’t need answers? What if there was something better than getting easy answers and quick fixes?

Have you ever had a plan blow up in your face? I surely have a few to count… If you know me at all, you know I am a planner. There are have been times when my plans had to be changed. So what do you do when life hands you a plan-B situation instead of a plan-A situation? In my own life recently, life has dealt me a Plan B situation. Honestly, I am still walking through a Plan B.

We can’t smooth over the wrinkles and life can be really tough and we may not understand why certain situations are occurring in our lives. There often aren’t easy answers to the Plan Bs we experience.

For everyone, situations are a little different, and no one has all the answers. Sometimes, things do not turn out as we would have hoped. And circumstances don’t turn out as we would like. All of us have Plan A. What happens when Plan A is failure? God is testing us with these catastrophes. This is where the “Plan B” comes into our life. God uses our Plan B in our lives. God will always take these situations in our lives where we have pain and struggle, and will never fail at the opportunity to show us how much he loves us. God never destroys our lives, but he does allow us to make our own decisions, even when those decisions take us farther away from God.

We often wonder where God is, why are things going so badly, and why do I continue to struggle through this pain for years and years. Too often, we want that pain to be over as quickly as possible, and we scream at God when it doesn’t happen in our timing. The fact remains that God’s timing is nothing like ours, and His timing isn’t ready for us to be out of this season in life. A tough thing to swallow, that’s for sure, but true.

 

…

The reality is that each one of us, with our carefully thought out plans, will be forced to throw the plan away and divert to a plan we never considered-Plan B. Plan B’s come in many forms, but they will come. It’s a good plan with success and happiness in the picture.

Plan B is not about rearranging your summer schedule, or not having enough time to read. It’s about dealing with changes, disappointments and heartbreaks. It’s about losses; lost jobs, lost marriage, and lost lives. It’s about lost visions and lost dreams. It’s about questioning if God is any where in our circumstances. It’s about how do we handle those times that come when life knocks us off our feet and it seems as if God isn’t right there to pick us up and make everything fine again. What do we do when things happen that we never thought would, and we are totally powerless to change those outcomes. Plan B is an honest, no frills assessment of how we react when these situations come.

The question is are our plans and God’s the same? Two answers to that question: Yes, and ofcourse, No. I ponder the question for which there is no simple answer and yet reassuring myself that it’s ok not to have an answer. I agree that it’s difficult to understand when life takes a different direction. It’s about giving up the life you think you should have versus the one that God wants for you.

I am wondering how different life would be for each one of us if we chose to view our circumstances and our relationships as the gifts they are. Change in our present situation is not needed to be at peace. Change in perception is what transforms our life.

Someone once said that life is what happens when we are planning for it. Ain’t it?? So let’s roll with it..

I “may be” Missed

Have you ever hurt your leg or foot or toe, and instead of going to the doctor, you got used to limping? Maybe you told yourself that you were too busy to see a doctor. Perhaps you thought the problem would clear up on its own. But over time, you got used to walking funny. Pretty soon, you couldn’t even remember what it felt like to feel normal or not walk around with discomfort.

That’s what was like for me at my current workplace. When viewed from a distance, it might have appeared to be charming, quaint, or even fun. But when you get closer, it becomes painful and draining, stresses you personally, hurting not only at the immediate source, but able to harm and damage other formerly – healthy parts of the whole system. And that’s when I decided to resolve it – by quitting. No, don’t wrong yourself of thinking of me as a Quitter —  sometimes no matter how much you love a job, some one/thing can make it unbearable.

Lesson Learnt : Implement a trial period, manage expectations, challenge whether it is a gap or is it as big as a thought. Sometimes a bit of detachment goes a long way in making life bearable!!

I will miss my coffee/chai breaks with few colleagues who became friends, enjoying the appreciations/ promotions of friends and self while cribbing over office nuances – Phew, a lot can happen over a cup of coffee or chai!!