“Letters to Juiet” – The movie

Unlike other romantic movies which look like a schmaltzy romance, a kind of celluloid goo that doesn’t resonate five minutes after watching it, something about LETTERS TO JULIET allows you to be swept away. The tenderness of the love story wrapped itself around my heart and I found myself enchanted over the next few hours.

The movie is a travelogue of the lush Italian countryside as much as it is a romantic comedy about characters who follow their hearts and have grand adventures. As the movie gets into motion, lo and behold! you will find yourself following the film’s characters through Italy’s countryside in the search for one true love.

It’s a story about unrequited or interrupted love…about a romantic tradition in which lovers all over come to one site to leave letters for Juliet (of Romeo and Juliet). It is believed that in 19th century, people of Verona indicated a house as the residence of Juliet from William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.” Later, in 1937, it became a tradition to go to Juliet’s grave in Verona and leave Juliet a letter about one’s love problems. In 1990s the amount of letters reached astronomical proportions and a group of volunteers, who call themselves “Club di Giulietta,” aka “Juliet’s secretary” (yes, they exist in real life, too) took it upon themselves to answer each and every letter that’s left for Juliet.

Dear Claire.

What and if are two words as non-threatening as words can be , but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if . What if .What if! . I don’t know how your story ended. But i know that if what you felt then was true love then it’s never to late . If it was true then why wouldn’t it be true now . You need only the courage to follow your heart.

Love, Juliet

I think most women understand that “WHAT IF?” is one of the hardest things to live with and sometimes no matter the consequence you just HAVE to do the “what if” and find the answer. Whatever that answer may be.

It is a classic tale that will win your heart by showing you historic and unique views of the Italian countryside and inspiring you with sweet and hilarious romance. It also shows you that everyone is charming and unique no matter what misfortunes they have endured! An idealistic love story in a stunningly beautiful place. Verona and the Tuscan countryside are so gorgeous, it made me google Verona and long to pack my bags and go. (I am looking forward to read the book which inspired this movie!). The movie makes you believe that love can come in many different ways and at different stages of life. It’s the kind of movie that makes you either want to call up an old flame that got away if you are single, or take a trip to Italy with your significant other; either way, it inspires good times to be had.

The idea with which we see things around us, cause us to change and grow, that often we need to allow others to show us the way and sometimes we have to make mistakes in order to realise where our passions really lie. Love really does have no age, a message which the two parallel love stories remind us of so clearly. If only my last year’s tragic episode wouldn’t have taken my ability to believe in love..*sigh*

Curl up with a box of chocolates. This movie will move you to tears more than once, and a movie which gives everybody hope that true love never fades and celebrates the basic good that lies within us all. The search is a search for love eternal, and one that the audience goes along with her, with bated breath, waiting to see if she finds her lost love, and cheering her every step of the way.

P.S. And don’t you dare squash it with an “it’s predictable” – these types of movies are not mysteries, that’s not why we watch them.

Everyday Love (Drawings by Nidhi Chanani)

As soon as i stumbled upon everydayloveart.com, I was lost in a fascinating world of story-telling. Each illustration – no arbid doodles, are simple yet speaks a story by themselves. Inspirations drawn from her life, experiences, relationships and world surrounding her…she makes everything so colorful and beautiful. Take a moment to visit her website and explore her drawings. Sip chai (hot cup of tea) as you will be a while out there.

All images by Nidhi Chanani, everydayloveart.com

**Being a storyteller by using her drawings**

Men’s Rules For Women

50 Shades of Grey..is it??

Two to Tango!!

Some believe that men and women basically use different parts of their brains. Often heard are: “The left brain thinks, the right brain feels.” “The left brain analyzes, the right brain intuits.” “The left brain is logical, the right brain is emotional.” Likely, our thinking, feeling, and loving are more complex than these simple statements; yet, at least on occasion (likely more often) men and women think and feel differently and express themselves differently.

Most couples get married when they still have the euphoric feelings of being in love. When these euphoric feelings evaporate some time after marriage and differences begin to emerge, they often find themselves in conflict. With no positive plan for resolving conflicts, they often find themselves speaking harshly to each other. Harsh words create feelings of hurt, disappointment and anger.

We claim to have put in much effort to make the other feel loved yet ironically, we have felt under-loved and under-appreciated by our partner. When our relationship is in crisis, common sense goes out the window and we start trying crazy things to solve the problem or you can’t even TRY to solve it at all and it spirals out of control. The problem is most people love how they want to be loved, and that doesn’t tend to align with how their partner wants to be loved. We don’t really understand what our partner needs because it is SO DIFFERENT from what each of us need. We don’t realize how much our actions or lack of actions affects the other person. Our expression of love is more of a matter of personal preference and sometimes the right words to express something elude us – different individuals will respond differently to each of them.

Love is hard work. It is no rocket-science however we are unable to figure out the simplicity of a relationship’s health or broken-ness until it ends. As we know, love is more than a feeling…love is what you do, which is why we’re so confused by the whole thing.

People like myself are lunk-headed who see that love is beyond roses and chocolates. In reality, we need to know other’s person want of expression in order for the love cup to be filled. Gifts, Words, Service, Touch, Attention… everyone gives and receives love differently. In the beginning of a relationship…everything is hot and heavy…and you are just happy that someone is into you. But as time marches on, the love you give can fall on deaf ears…. And then all of a sudden you don’t feel appreciated and the cycle of a relationship ending looms overhead. It’s because you keep loving the other person the way that you feel loved rather than the way they feel loved. It’s not easy to change the way you love someone… but it is all about speaking the other person’s language.

One of best ways to tell someone “I Love You” is to say “I love you just the way you are.” Love is what you do, not only an emotion, which is why we’re so confused by the whole thing. The principle here is if you want to be accepted in any relationship you should give your acceptance first. How many of us really want someone to relentlessly badger us to change this or change that about ourselves. Change in itself can be difficult, but that is another subject to consider.

In ballroom dancing it has been said that “it takes two to tango,” and “it takes one to lead.” I have learned from many others, a successful, lasting, and happy relationship involves two great forgivers and apologizers. I have found that those who never or almost never say “I’m sorry” have difficulties with their working and personal relationships.

A good question to ask yourself at the beginning of each day: “What will I do today that shows I both love and respect people around me?” TIP: While certainly one positive act or action daily is a good start, many are even better and will bring more benefits.

Writing Love Story

Most of us have had experience with dating quite a few not-so-right Mr. Right. When we date them, we all pay the price of the broken hearts, etc. Unfortunately, due to the worldly influence found everywhere and peer pressure, we are looking for romance instead of an enduring love. We still have “Mr. Right-moments” from time to time. There are no 100% Mr. Right out there – for the mere reason we are all humans.

Being anything but Miss Right myself I find the idea of Mr. Right unfair and selfish. Plus, if I get someone, where is that person supposed to grow from there for several decades we are hopefully supposed to spend together? Where’s the adventure of turning the stones and see what lies beneath?

This does not mean that I would choose just anyone. One should keep our standards high or should I say set our standards right, and not settle for anything less. There’s a big difference between a mind commitment and heart commitment.

Every person should to go through heartaches, I believe, so as to have an ultimate experience of what loving and losing that love is all about. Sounds cruel but I believe that heartaches are part of living too. But, one should not hang a trespassing sign on the heart. After all, how would one experience blissful happiness and true love if one has not gone through disillusionment and failure? One can never really fathom the meaning of hunger if that same someone is always full and satisfied. Sometimes, failures are necessary but not to the extent that the same failure repeatedly happens or simply man-made tragedy in my dictionary.

“Let God write your love story,” is what my mother advocates when I went through a heartache.  God writes our love story and not us so we should give God the pen. But even when we suffer heartaches, and we do, it is all too tempting to say “God, could you just loan me the pen, just for a minute? I’ll just write one thing myself, and then I’ll give it right back.”

Now I actually do believe that God writes our love and life stories into His grand story. God and I are on the same side! Once in a while, I pray, “Lord, there is someone out there but you have to show him to me because I don’t know any!” Oh no – I am not in a rush as I want to find my Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now.

Can I get an AMEN???

Communication Barriers – What say?

I’m not married, nor in a relationship. However, I often have couples around me, among family or friends or acquaintances, who are both so passionate and extreme, they fight to the extreme and love to the extreme. They have this conflicting ways of seeing things, and each other…where the husband and the wife look at talking about their relationship from vastly different perspectives. The wife believes that talking about the relationship is essential to its health. The husband would prefer to do anything but talk.

It is not a problem to be “solved” by making men more like women and women more like men. Men and women are simply different, not wrong, not right, just different. We just need to be conscious of exactly what the differences are and how to honor the differences (ofcourse, it is not easy).

Whoever said that “When people feel connected to each other, communication is not as significant.” – I do not completely agree. I am not advocating that “communication” is most important in maintaining a good relationship. However, gone are the days when love was diving in each other’s eyes, reading minds, holding hands and enjoying the smooth silence dance. I believe that often times, Love is an overhyped word. It’s become too elusive, an umbrella-term for a lot of goodness, but then again, also often the word that has been used to keep people in denial about their own needs and self-care. It’t just too loaded with baggage now. The meaning is no longer clear and specific to solve conflicts. It’s become that fuzzy non-word.

Sweet words of love, alone, does not sweep anyone off their feet…anymore. Now, to feel the feelings of love, it should be said loud (not in literal sense) and clear. But, one needs to step into the puddle of expressive communication to show their appreciation, commitment and love for each other, alongwith compassion and connection…’cos words hurt, words destroy, words can kill a relationship!!

Communication barriers, certainly, which I believe men and women have between each other is natural. It is a result of conditioning as a child. Boys are taught to suppress emotions while girls are rewarded for being emotional. Thus, there are the typical men that never listens, never wants to talk and just shuts yourself off and then there are the typical women chasing their men around the house trying to connect through words and emotions. Women “repair’ relationship breaches and problems by talking; for men talking makes then feel worse (physiologically — not emotionally or mentally). Since men feel worse when discussing problems and women feel better, how can both partners feel satisfied? Its a vicious cycle – what one has been trying to get through to another, why one felt the way they did, why partner responded the way they did…everything.

Sometimes instead of just having to deal with it or feel guilty about it afterwards, they would rather put their hand on a red-hot stove, so asking them to share their feelings. I don’t know if this would apply to those who grew up with parents throwing things at each other; they may want to believe words are more important.

Its easier said than done but a friend recently told me to think about what you say and do, before you say or do it. It helps to listen, really listen to what the other is saying and the feelings and fears behind the arguments that don’t get resolved. Seeing your partner from a different light is always helpful in understanding when a relationship becomes too bogged down with arguments or negative communication or stonewalling. Sometimes we say things that just don’t come out the way we want to say it.

There are no magic relationships, perfect people, just loving couples maintaining a healthy communication. Nothing is as (im)perfect as it seems after all. What say?!

Related articles

• 6 Ways Men and Women Communicate Differently (psychcentral.com)
• How To Keep A Relationship Working (britishcbtandcounsellingservice.wordpress.com)
• 5 tips when communicating with women (acordof3strands.wordpress.com)
• “The Quickest Way to a Man’s Heart Is Through His Chest”… Why Men and Women Can’t Communicate (wegotkidz.com)
• What Women Really Want in a Relationship (leggotunglei808.wordpress.com)

Refreshing Tingle of Seasons

When the seasons start to change, I get a surge of excitement and tranquility…a sense of wonderment…feel a different kind of inspiration flowing through me. I listen when nature says “here once more is a time of change”. It is a new beginning…a chance to make it better. It is like wearing a new clothes. It gives me refreshment from the one that is to be changed. It is invigorating, beautiful, exciting, and emotional. The cycle is never ending, and I appreciate every single season for what it brings. A forever anything would be soul crushing, ain’t it? We need change.

Every season expresses different feelings. Each has their own beauty…I love looking back on the other seasons when the season wakes up, shakes itself, and moves on to the next such as the orange leaves of the Fall, the white color of the Winter, the blossom of the leaves in Spring, and the active and very lively Summer. There is a refreshing tingle of renewing senses. The feel of the air, smells around you, and sights of changing plant life, the taste of seasonal foods. Curling up with a good book and relaxing to the sound of rain. Ah!!

Seasons hold the power to inspire hope of something new, something better and something exciting. Beautiful and different all the time…never the same yet always familiar…a change of season holds the promise of things to come…a newness and uniqueness that remains unrivalled by anything the greatest of human minds can create. To be honest, it’s like a calling for certain moods, themes, etc.

Right now we are transitioning from the cold months of winter into the rejuvenating times of spring, although Summer will be here before I can blink twice. I’d have to say summer is my favorite because there is always something to do. It provides so much more outdoor time because it’s warmer and hotter!

When Winter turns to Spring it brings new life. It makes me feel joy, clean and fresh. It is a new beginning and a second chance…to open my heart, my eyes and my abilities…makes me get out and feel good…a feeling of love and friendship…happiness and giggles…friends and furry animals…simply, it makes me smile just like a refreshing break from a busy day. Life returns to all the plants and everything that was once dead, awakens.

And then, Spring rolls into Summer. Summer feels like a bright smile across a room full of strangers…about building relationships and making friends…longing and romance. It feels sexy and sleek …feels like passion and pleasure…like the sky is the limit and like life will never end. Pure bliss, endless imagination and undying hope!!

BUT, change in seasons also prompt me to examine my life – What do I most value? What have I outgrown or no longer need? Which new oppurtunity is trying to spring forth? How do I need to transform? How can I let it happen? What in my life is no longer worth keeping? What in my life is not worth losing? What can I do for myself? Uhmmm…I will see how map of my heart will look like.

When the pieces of the puzzle just fit…

Make a list of what you want – a man, money, and a wardrobe with designer clothes – and meditate. If that worked, we would all be married, rich, and chic. But it is not within our power to make it happen. If only we had a crystal ball to tell us when the great moments of our life will occur. Oh, if it was only that simple!!

Aristophanes, the ancient Greek playwright, told a myth about love. Men and women, he said, were originally one being with a single head and two faces turned in opposite directions. These original human beings had four arms and four legs, and each was supremely happy. They were as complete as a circle.

But God Zeus was jealous of mankind, so he sent a thunderbolt to split humans in two. Ever since men and women have tried to restore their original nature by finding their other better half. When that happens, according to the myth, a man and a woman are lost in an amazement of love, friendship, and intimacy.

There is something to be said for waiting, because those who are not serious are not likely to be patient. One cannot turn someone who is not serious into one who is, no matter how much one admits to be in love with someone. We don’t choose who we love. After all, it doesn’t take long to realize a shoe doesn’t fit.

Love comes when it has to come, not when we decide it should come. When the right person comes into our life, they will be as they will be, and we will love them as they are. One can’t hunt for someone the way we hunt for an elephant. The relationship we want is unique and special. Someone who truly loves you will want to make you thy own. It will happen the way unique and perfect things in life happen…when one is ready, when one least expects it, when it is time.

Some things are meant to happen out of the blue, like seeing a shooting star, catching a glimpse of a rainbow, or meeting the special someone. Meeting someone you can spend your life with is like seeing a shooting star. The space in our life is there for a reason and it cannot be filled by just anyone. That space is there for the person who belongs there. That is where that person fits!

Alien-love-land!

We are all zombies in the alien land not knowing what we want, what our heart wants. For me, love is an alien land where one is dragged blindfolded by some invisible force on which we have no control! Its’ definitely a Cinderella or Cinder-fella story ‘cos we might have a partner whom we love but fail to connect with, most of the times, and at other times think that we would have led a similar life with anyone.

Nobody can fall in love at the right moment, with the right person under right circumstances. That would be too perfect a situation for anyone, eh!

*pseudo-happiness*