I had never heard this poem until recently when I watched “Must Loved Dogs” movie. These beautiful lines can be interpreted in various ways but the center point is LOVE. Flipping a penny is like taking a chancedepicts all the uncertainities which it holds for each person. Today, love is perhaps a more transient thing, experienced easily and quickly abandoned if it fails. Nonetheless, no matter what the odds of finding love, we attempt to it, time and again.
“Nothing gets accomplished without accountability,” said a wise U.S. Department of Education leader of educational reform. In simple words, to me this does imply the mere fact that it takes more than one for accomplishment, and many to be a powerful force.
I’ve never had an idea that couldn’t be improved by sharing it with others. Quite often, the “other” is someone who disagrees with me, sometimes fundamentally. Sometimes, usually in the middle of a heated discussion of next steps, it’s difficult to appreciate the colleagues who push and challenge me. I wouldn’t trade them for anything though. They make me better at what I do. Great ideas are meant to be shared!
One of my best and worst co-workers was one who challenged me on Everything. It was bad because it slowed things down. I’d have to spend a lot of time building up a case for any new decisions. It was good because it forced me to really think through important decisions – and be ready for a challenge.
I believe challenging ideas is often the best way to create new ones. People must be open to this concept and not intimidated by the questioning required to improve and/or create something new. Virtually, it’s the best way to keep up with change. It’s overwhelming to see what can be accomplished when the people who challenge each other are also dedicated to showing each other mutual respect and arriving at a mutually agreeable outcome.
The challenging of ideas can definitely be a motivating factor. It can lead to compromise and benefits for both the teams as well as idea refinement for allies. Challenge eliminates complacency. All work environments need to embrace a healthy level of engaging, divergent thought-leadership perspectives.
If you want to be a champion then surround yourself with people who want to be champions. If you want to compete at the highest levels then train with those who compete at the highest levels. Spend lots of time with the people who will raise your game. If you want to grow then put yourself with a team that will make you uncomfortable when you do things that are wrong. Hang out with people who will push you to do the difficult things.
So even if you disagree with my thoughts, lets agree to disagree!! 
I was told of a classic conversation between the “Borer” & the “sufferer” the latter ultimately telling the former thus: I understand that between us you know almost everything and that I know only the one thing that you don’t know- that you are a “Big Bore”.
Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest. It’s not just me 
, there are quite a few facing this situation, right? I have a natural tendency to ask for clarifications and raise questions during conversations. In fact I might forget or may feel “let it be” and some very useful point may be left out.
I am keenly interested in body language and micro expressions such as good eye contact and a smile that flits across the features. Staring as well as very poor eye contact signals that the person is disengaged and a smile that feels (looks) stuck, signals irritation.
Furthermore I have observed that if a person starts yawning- is a sign that he/she is forcing self to listen to you and is bored to limits. Similarly a person who listens (or pretend to listens) with arms crossed could be a sign that he/she is bored and more often even offended by the nonsense being uttered. I see these behaviors often among people in a position of power, who mistake ‘obligatory’ listening for vivid interest! One’s background certainly does influence communication style and acceptability within given conversation(s).
The art of communication is scribble – abstract. It takes keen observation and skill for one to catch the conversation nuances and then blend.
On the lighter side: If I had a choice between being a bore to some one or being bored by some one, I would choose the former. That keeps me from yawning in the other person’s face. Not everyone or everything can get melodramatically interesting as Shakespeare’s stage of words and sonnets.
Unfortunately, I think I fall in to both categories (the boring and the bored). I have a bad habit of reading emails even when I am holding a phone conversation. I could genuinely be interested in what someone at the other end of the line is saying and still display these signs. Bad habit – Must be broken!! Blame it on my work but now I consciously close my eyes during a phone conversation to not let myself be distracted.
As to being boring, well…just the other day when I was loss of words, what can I say, I bet you stopped reading this post a while ago!!!
A blank page… It has so much potential, isn’t it? If I was a literary genius I would be able to write a master piece perhaps…each day.
Now that I’ve set the right expectations, and if you are still around to read more, let me state that I have absolutely nothing to write that could possibly be even remotely interesting to you. This blank page is a waste of words. I’m sure by now you agree with me and would have stopped reading. But there are some curious people out there that will continue to read just out of curiosity to see why the little black letters continue to go on even after the blogger has stated that she has nothing to write about.
The thing about writing is that anyone who knows how to write can well, write! But that does not make everyone who writes a writer, just like anyone who can hold a paint brush and paint a wall does not become a Michelangelo. There is a big difference in the painter who paints walls and the painter who paints pictures, so I suppose there is a big difference between a writer who writes her ramblings (like me) and a writer that writes a masterpiece novel.
Ah! now I’m just at a loss of words…:)
You just say the word “Shoes” and any woman perks up! Girls love their shoes!
Past weekend, I was organizing my shoes and they brought back memories. Each shoe had a story - Places where I have trodden wearing my high brown boots, black heels with silver bow strap in which I slipped during a date, neon green stomping boots bought during winter breaks to ‘look stylish’, and oh yes! those painful stilletos which reminds me that sometimes we need to be barefoot.
We all want the answer to our life’s purpose. We want to stay on the path that ensures we are not going to fall in the ditch. We need to learn how to be “That Girl.” - That girl who always seems so strong on the inside. That girl who knows how to walk through challenges. That girl who is confident and always has a light about her. That girl who ALWAYS has the perfect shoes for her outfit!!
Being prepared is half the battle and choosing the correct shoes is such a fun way to look at it! I love shoes and realize I need to always be ready for what life may throw. Therefore, we need to make sure that we are running our race with the “right” shoes on at the “right” time so we can finish “our” race strong.
To learn about the different seasons of life and how to be equipped for whatever comes our way, it is crucial to put on the right shoes everyday to walk strong in life no matter what we face!!
So ladies, let’s strut along…
Sometimes we complain of our difficulty in keeping life together. You are actually not surprised by this comment, are you?
Most of us struggle to deal with all the things we have on our plate on a daily basis. So whether it’s the daily onslaught of world news, the endless to do list, or wondering how we could have misplaced the hot cup of tea we just poured, sometimes so many things are going on at once, that it can be overwhelming.
My parent’s piece of advice when I am feeling a little swamped is the idea that a state of chaos often precedes a new order of things. It’s sort of like the calm after the storm: the rainstorm with the whipping winds and thunder, followed by a period of a calm blue skies with birds chirping and nature looking clean and refreshed. It’s only when we actually come out on the other side of the chaos that we can gain insight, understanding, or a new perspective.
Chores and tasks can seem too hard if we think about them all at once. We could look at small pieces of the job and doing them with a smile . Mental tasks can be pleasant when shared with others who are interested in doing a good job. Why not put our head together with a creative friend who knows our style?
But there is no doubt that the actual process of living the chaos can be difficult. That said, there are things that can help to move us through the confusion or conflict faster and easier. First, it’s important to accept when are we feeling overwhelmed. Being confused or conflicted happens to almost everyone countless times throughout life. By accepting our negative emotions or anxiety, we can actually liberate ourselves so that we can begin to change whatever it is that is making us uncomfortable.
Once we can accept conflict or confusion in things or events, we can begin to let go of them. Hanging on to old baggage, just because it feels familiar or because we are afraid to let it go keeps us in a state of discomfort. If we are having trouble letting go of things that aren’t good for us, we may need to consider seeking some help – by simply talking to a trusted family member or a friend. Sharing and asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness, but rather a step in a positive direction, and it is surprising how helpful it can be.
Feelings of chaos and confusion will come and go like the tides. It is realizing this that actually allows us to move through the ups and downs more easily and to go with the flow.
Who amongst us has not worried at one time or another? Everyone worries – and it seems to be taking over our life and happiness. We all have times in our lives when we worry but where does it ever get us?
I am 34 years old and have ‘ramped up’ my worrying over the past few years. This ‘habit’ began with a very stressful job where I struggled to go 
above and beyond and still not receiving the due credit. And to add to this, my personal life went topsy-turvy too. My worry was crippling…the kind of worry where you can’t get out of bed in the morning but you haven’t slept all night due to worrying. Oh, my worries were real enough, I had good cause to worry!
Worry became the norm. And it was a norm that was destructive, energy sapping and ultimately incredibly dangerous. I was turning into a seasoned worrier, often having a hard time distinguishing between a real, legitimate worry, and a concocted, overblown one. I was afraid of having bad feelings–I was afraid that I would get so depressed I couldn’t stand it.
I had the added problem of worrying about my worrying which may seem laughable now but it is very frustrating as I don’t actually have anything to worry about IF I remember to just live in the present. All of my fears lie in the future
Most of us try to use to get rid of worry (try not to think about it, seek reassurance from others) and it backfires. “I don’t know something for sure then it must be bad” and we constantly jump to conclusions. Do we not?
I have realized that there is a difference between productive and unproductive worry. This is a relief because I don’t have to stop worrying and still be happy. I have realized that I might have some good reasons to feel sad or anxious at times–but I don’t need to worry to get rid of those feelings. People who worry are actually avoiding emotion.
We have choices in every moment that we can use to make ourself happy or miserable. It’s just that simple. But simple doesn’t mean easy-we have to practice over and over again because long-held ways of thinking and behaving don’t yield to change overnight.
There are some simple things in the course of life that change the way you view things. They are often referred to as an ‘epiphany’. Living one day at a time sounds like a great idea and I am doing so.
After all, worry is simply a waste of imagination!!
“I never saw the signs, at least if I did, I denied they were there. I just thought they were friends. After I found out and confronted him, he confirmed what I heard.“
Husband of one of my close friend cheated her with another woman. Everyone “thought” they knew…but she did not, although they were having trouble. For her spouse, deep regret, shame, remorse, and humiliation set in. For her, anger, grief, disbelief, and an ‘avalanche of losses’, including the sweet memories of our marriage ceremony……gone.
While not a bad marriage, I wouldn’t call their marriage good either. It ceratinly isn’t what I want in a marriage. Some where along the way, they stopped really communicating and meeting each other’s emotional needs…though she never stopped loving my husband, and hasn’t still. “Did I nag too much? Did I do something wrong?” are the constant topics which she speculates often to gauge the reason behind the mistake which her husband made. She lingers on all the reasons he might have had an affair – the circumstances that created it, what’s missing inside her and in their relationship, etc.
Being an independent female, I wonder what makes her stay in a relationship and still wishing to be together until the end. Yes, she does BUT because they have a child together. Is that a bog enough reason to make yourself suffer and re-living the moments of betrayal each day. No matter what the betrayal, it can gradually erode the relationship. She confesses that it’s not the betrayal by itself that caused most of the damage. It’s the poor way he handled the aftermath. My friend believes in handling betrayal is more important than the betrayal itself.
She is drowning in grief, engulfed in a sadness and emptiness I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. He has no regrets for his actions, but plenty of regrets to the reactions of being found out.
It is believed that 70% of all marriages are touched by infidelity. Therapists have rated it one of the most common and devastating problems faced by their patients. They believes that sometimes, it takes this kind of life-changing event for couples to determine the real value of their marriage. It often becomes a catalyst for important and permanent changes – both in the relationship and for every person involved.
I understand that betrayals happen only after a spouse has been trying and trying to reach the other spouse who is unable or unwilling to be empathetic or nurturing. I am a big advocate of trying to fix relationships. But Infidelity of any sorts is out of question for me. Restoring trust in relationships after betrayal takes serious work- honesty, transparency and building a new foundation.
Seeing my friend struggling to keep her marriage alive and pretending to be happy so that her son respects his father as an ideal one, she gives me hope that there is a marital future after an infidelity. I don’t know how to deal with trust issues in a relationship, let alone find the courage to begin the process of forgiveness. Because for me that would be an exit from a relationship. Nothing can chart a new path — the path of trust.
**To be read with a pinch of humor** (:
As much as I enjoy my new work place and meeting my new colleagues (few of which ‘might’ turn into friends over a period of time), I cant help but miss my ex-colleagues in various assignments – few I worked with and for a few of them, and few who were simply a part of the assignment. They were open and willing to explore ideas together, inherently curious people, and ones who didn’t grade our relationship on some hierarchical scale but based on our shared interests. The fact that my work was recognized by the client or my superiors is more a testament to the amazing social talent I was surrounded by…than anything else.
When we embark on a new assignment, do we not wonder who do we want on our team or how can we build teams and networks where everyone wins and grows? If only we had Networkers, Connectors, People Happy to Refer You First – With No Expectations, People Who Believe in You…Willing to Help You and Help You with Ideas…people who believe in paying it forward always end up being your best business relationship.
I have and will come across various people in my work – and yes, I might love to run away from a few of them…. but these are colleagues whom I have to engage with so heading for the nearest door really isn’t an option. Because we have:
Narcissists who are closers that go big or go home. They “build up their press because they concentrate on success instead of failure. It’s the fundamental psychology of a sales professional. I feel they serve a purpose on a sales team.
The Name Dropper which could be a sub category of the Narcissist or Status Claimer. Yes, networking is about who they know, but I don’t need a constant reminder of who they know and whose yacht they were on this weekend.
Griller who ask lots and lots of questions because they dig stories, details, emotions, insight, histories, opinions, convictions, the whole gamut. They aren’t necessarily bad…I think the person I run from is the person who asks and asks, but turns into a clam when it’s their turn to spill it. They are usually so focussed on asking the next question that they are almost never listening, unless it conforms with their world view.
Ahh-I-know-it-all who has learned everything they need to know and try to make everything fit into that paradigm.
I-Me-Myself who are one-way-street types who will run over you, put you down, stifle you, discourage you, and never treat you with respect – for sure never love you.
Elevator Pitch Junkies who live by their 20-seconds pitch on everything you ever needed to know about life and everything. They want everything in a nice neat package, injected intravenously in their empty heads so that they can go around repeating the mantra like a parrot.
Yes Man/Woman who follow come what may and never question. They are helpful for getting stuff done but can lead an organisation down the path to ruin if no one else is there to be critical. They are positive but destructive.
Glory-hunters who find delegation difficult or who cherry-pick parts from roles for maximum visibility. It’s not a very inclusive or team-spirited attitude
Chronic Dictators who never contribute to the positive team energy/ creativity required to successfully complete any projects but constantly provide input on how to get the job done (a talking head).
The Grandstander who will jump on a topic and them dominate the conversation trying to establish themselves as the subject-matter expert. Unfortunately, it results in a one-sided conversation and does little to forward a true discussion on the issue.
Oh-Wellers who want to be a part of the process, but have no real desire for one outcome vs. another…who act like they’re all in, but bail when things get rough or aren’t going well.
Including the ones that give you 15 arguments why not to do something rather than one contribution on how to succeed at it… Or the ones that grill your ideas to then go on and still them for personal advancement… Both are actually similar they just want to justify their existence and salaries it’s all about toxic individual survival… What they are missing is that a company is like a rugby team… ultimately no one cares or remember how many tackles or turn overs you made or if you scored they remember you were part of the team that won the championship.
The Dodger who don’t return calls or emails. They don’t actively participate in meetings/try to avoid attending them at all. They avoid having to deliver anything. Anything they couldn’t avoid being responsible for – never gets delivered because they were waiting on someone else to do something/they didn’t realise there was a time line/the sky was too blue (always a reason for non delivery). Claim they are always busy but can’t actually explain their workload. They just cruise through the day in the office and god forbid you need something off them.
How about working with too many “Chiefs and not enough Indians“, people who know the answer before you even finish your statement. Or the ones when you try to explain your situation and they say its ok, and havent even let you put your two cents in.
Just including the ‘non-learners‘ who live online but don’t tap into its vast knowledge base, either from poor research skills, arrogance or plain laziness.
The ones I am uncomfortable with the most are the ones who pull out their cell phones and call/receive call right in the middle of a conversation. While I have allowed it to propagate, stunned by its impeccable crassness, in the solace of knowing that manners are the property of a gentleman and a lady, while their lack – the hallmark of an upstart.
Work and life are blessed with the contribution from many personalities and nuances, these nuances and personalities in turn help us develop our skills further and polish our intelligent coping strategies, I look at it as an opportunity to find a different way to engage, almost like finding a new way home. While we may rule these people out temporarily, we should not rule them out permanently. In worst cases, if you are unable to accommodate the person in the team, let go the people off the bus freeing them to be great elsewhere, by not holding them back.
The truth is, as long as man is ruling planet “earth”, it’s never going to be perfect and that’s ever so evident in the workplace. Ah geez, what if I’m guilty of all of these? Can I run away from myself? Work seems to work better when the basics of being a human are practiced. Could most problems be solved that simply? How can something so simple, be so difficult sometimes?
Not always can you pick who you work with and certainly not easy to run from all those that you just have to work with – but what the heck, who said life was easy. Just as each of us (raising my hand virtually) have made our set of mistakes, so do others, and so we leave the door open that if someone changes, they can be welcomes back. We just have to try to find a way through with these people – try to find their strengths, draw them out of the behaviour that we don’t need. I find that most people step up when they are surrounded by curious, positive, informed folks.
As a wise man said, “In my life so far, I have discovered that there are really only two kinds of people: those who are for you, and those who are against you. Learn to recognize them, for they are often and easily mistaken for each other.“
The important “piece of the puzzle” is to be able to lead and inspire while honoring people’s differences. Good rule of thumb in all endeavors: you are only as smart as the people you surround yourself with… Sometimes referred to as a “team”.
I more or less had a list of traits I NEEDED in a man (things I was not willing to compromise on). More often than not, it is a painful process to realize the man you think is right is so fundamentally wrong for you – one can identify with that struggle, right? And few of my married girlfriends – they make excuses to stay in a bad relationship.
From a tall, dark and handsome in my teenage years to now wanting someone faithful and honest. Click here to read a blog post to know that not all tall, dark and handsome are the right ones neither are they the wrong ones. We just want someone to understand what we enjoy, and let us be.
