Monthly Archives: May 2012

Childhood…

In a social party or an office event, I like break ice by asking the question, “What are your three earliest childhood memories.” I have found this an invaluable technique to be funny and engaging. It also enables me to understand new people at a much deeper level.

How childhood memories affect our life today. Looking at the memories that stand out the most reveals aspects of our personality that help us understand why we do what we do, and also helps to look at if where we are is the best for us. We are all unfinished grain to be shaped into whatever we choose.

See what you remember first and how that impacts who you are today…you cannot help but chuckle!! :)

Categories: Fun | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Dancing in my Car

A few months ago I seemed to have developed a lot of fear that I was powerless to make life work out in my favor. I (like many) stumbled forward still overwhelmed by the last. It took me a few days to realize- something has to shift. While I knew what the fear was about, it was also clear that I needed a strategy to start enjoying life more. I’ve been overlooking. I realize there is more to life than the hiccups I have endured.

How my life was just as complex and sometimes as boring as my own.

As I pondered more, the first thing I realized that fear is based on a feeling, not on a fact. Many of us fear things that haven’t happened, may not happen as we want it to happen, or may not ever happen at all. Facing our fears is the first step in conquering them. If I have a fear about something, I try to look at it objectively (leaving alone cockroaches…ewww!!).  Is it really imminent, and if so what steps can I take to get through or past it? Facing my fears head on keeps them from paralyzing me and allows me to take positive action and gain control over my life.

I discovered that my biggest fear was failure or rather choices-I-made-differently. Fear of failure stops many people from doing things that would make their lives much better. What I’ve learned so far- life happens whether we want it to or not, but it’s how we react and create the future that makes the difference. Thus, I told to myself that I needed to look at past failures as stepping-stones to success and never give up on my dreams. Taking an objective look at my failures, what choices I made as well as what I did right, can help me do better the next time around.

Another thing that I understand is that getting through rough spots and making life work for me requires some discipline. Creating habits in me life that help me feel grounded, such as eating properly, walking for combating stress, getting enough sleep, meeting close friends to have peace within me, sketching to me-time, will help me cope better when times are tough.  And a good dose of persistence towards goals doesn’t hurt a bit.  If I am hoping to make something happen in me life, I need to create a plan (am directionless as of now) and then take action, by doing something every day to move towards my goal. Just a little discipline can go a long way to reducing, and maybe even eliminating, fears that may come up.

Ah! Most of us shrug off and say “it’s easier said than done“…I second that! But aren’t we simply being hesitant in dancing in our car with oomph?

Categories: General | 2 Comments

Unfold the napkin!!

If we can set aside our expectations suddenly everything good that enters our life becomes a blessing. Hang on to our expectations and we can expect to be dissatisfied when they aren’t met, and unappreciative when they do come true – after all, we expected to get it and felt that we deserved it, so why should we appreciate it?

Most of our problems stem from dissatisfaction with situations that are perfectly acceptable, even though they fall short of our preferences. However, sometimes…our problems are simple, clear and to the point. But we are caught in a web of advices, solutions, empathy provided by people around us instead of dispensing common-sense advice or no advice at all.

The problem of course as with most ‘advice’ even when it’s the best in the world, is that it is far easier to give, than to take. When we look to others, or other “things,” we’re not solving our problems but only creating additional problems for ourselves. If what you’re looking for are solutions, then you’ve just found them.

One of the secrets to solve the problem is recognizing that everything has a price. And we must determine if we are willing to pay the price or let it go. Even a relationship has a price…so does not being in a relationship. Is there a place in our life where we are bemoaning the price we have had to pay?

We are actually obligated to be happy because it makes us better people…but this is not as easy as it sounds, in that it requires a continuing process of counting our blessings and giving up expectations that life is supposed to be wonderful…it will only happen when we take responsibility for our life rather than spend time blaming others.

There are so many problems that come up in life and few for the first time in my life. I had answers to things I should have done in the past but most importantly, things to do in the future. I know for a fact that through prayer and waiting, all things work out for good according to God’s plans. I have had times when I wondered why God would let this or that happen but in the end found out it has made me a much better, stronger, and prayerful person. I now put problems or questions in God’s hands and wait for answers while trying to find the solutions myself. HE never fails. I am not saying “dump all your problems on God”.  You may feel overburdened, but don’t throw in the towel just yet, my friend.

We are always too focused on our problems to remember what do we appreciate more, the gift we have demanded or the one we didn’t expect? Learn to unfold the napkin…

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Awarded as Beautiful Blogger…!

Thank YOU Mimi…or Waiting for the Karma Truck, as you are known in the Blogger world, for nominating me for Beautiful Blogger Award! I am ecstatic and have no words to express so would simply go with the rules and share the blogs which I follow and immensely enjoy.

knowthesphere

PhotoBotos.com

Dean J. Baker – Poetry, and prose poems

brian westbye

PARADOXICAL WISDOM

Bookside Table

Pretty Feet, Pop Toe

I wish I could share the list of Blogs I follow to introduce other wonderful bloggers too. But let me not bend the rules ;)

As the rules go, the nominees can pass it forward by copy-pasting the award on your post, naming the person who nominated you and nominating seven other bloggers. Keep the award rolling..!!

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

Ageless beauty or Aging beautifully??

Treading along not-so-grassy-unknown-park in Scotland few months back, I was enticed by the superstructure of this tree. It was an ageless beauty or should I sat aging beautifully??

Ahem…so am I aging beautifully or am I an ageless beauty?? :) I am faceless for most of you so you can’t compliment me but I would be modest – with every passing year, I feel proud of my age and flaunt it at every occasion without shying from it. What’s wrong with getting old, eh? Why ‘oh-you-should-never-ask-woman-her-age’ etiquette rule? For decades women are playing she-who-dies-thinnest-and-with-the-fewest-wrinkles-wins game.

The fashion industry is a 100 billion dollar a year industry, just in the United States! The advertisers and marketing psychologists have turned people into consumers – how to make people feel “not right” unless they buy the beauty product marketed to make them “feel right”. Thereby ensuring that billions will continue to be spent in trying to attain the unattainable.

As a young girl, I did felt depressed and dejected because I did not exemplify our culture’s standards of beauty. Billboards, magazines and movies showcasing rail-thin models with ridiculously over-exaggerated features made me judge myself harshly but one of my class teacher helped me to realize the fallacy in this desire to fit within this pre-arranged standard, and led me instead to focus on my own sense of beauty – a keen intelligence, understanding, and strength of will. She promoted an image of self-acceptance, beyond the cliché stereotypes that control beauty. And I still live comfortable in my skin, applying the hints of makeup when I go to work but not even a teeny-weeny extra to over-power my real beauty.

Makeovers are such an inherent part of growing up female that the ritual goes largely unquestioned by many young women. Why we are so inclined to judge our manner of appearance as critical to ourselves?

Our society’s expectations of beauty and the ideals that are placed on women. World of beauty is fascinating in the statistics and facts. Billboards say it loud on our face which force me to consider why beauty is applied only or mainly to women, and why it seems to be applied in areas to where it is irrelevant: Why should a female office executive be expected to look like an anorexic fashion model? Why are her male colleagues judged by completely other standards? In order to advance professionally and maintain a romantic relationship, women are spending large sums of money, plenty of time, and paying a lot of attention to their looks — in order to maintain the kind of look they see in magazines and advertisements, and which seems to be expected of them. We must realize how much the media affects how we see ourselves.

I do agree that many of the unrealistic standards of beauty in our country place women at a disadvantage because they draw our attention to exterior features rather than more important aspects – our mind and character.

I want to tell every woman I see who appears on the verge of collapse from self-starvation, or who seems ashamed of her natural self, unable to face the world without a mask of makeup that genuine relationships are possible only when couples see each other as they are, and for what they are.

Ofcourse, there is some quality of ‘ugliness’ that is absolute and which women should constantly strive to get out of. But let’s make a wow to ourself and all the other women out there, and not to the latest miracle cream from L’Oreal, is what we are truly worth.

P.S. Although my post sincerely talks about women, I also feel sad as that men do suffer from depression and eating disorders as well – Have you noticed that advertising campaigns for male grooming and cosmetic surgery have increased over the past two years?

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Angel in disguise – My Mom!

Like two sides of a single coin, every woman is different – just like my mom and me. Similarly, my relationship with my mom was both satisfying and frustrating, harmonious and discordant, and full of blessing and hurt. There are two sides to every story and everyone has their own story.

No matter how strong our bond is, there were turbulent times, challenges, and transitional periods that put a strain on our relationship. Many times, it was when I am making my own way through the “real world” and striving to find my own identity in my world. She was finding it hard to deal when I was choosing a different lifestyle than she would have chosen for me. It was like riding a rollercoaster that I couldn’t get off. Parts of it left me screaming, “Let me off!”. I wanted to feel that my mom is not trying to “fix” things for me, but instead that my mom has confidence in me that I will figure even this tough situation out, and I will find a solution. Instead of giving advice on everything, especially when the advice was not requested, just listen, provide support, and believe in.

We did, at times, have similarities but also realized that we are individual people. The relationship problem with adult daughter like me occur when my mother still perceives me as a child. Initially, she did have a hard time in letting go…letting me learn from my own mistakes. Well, I understand that it’s hard, because she looks back on her younger years, and want to shelter me from what mistakes she probably made at that time.

As a daughter…I sometimes struggle with my mom’s desire to still parent me in my 30s. Yet, I might be following similar footsteps with my own daughter when I have one. Will relationships ever be easy? I doubt it. Women are women…regardless of age…we are intricate, complex and sometimes (especially like me in my family) stubborn.

My mom would relate an incident, and I would explain what I was feeling about the same situation. Together we have really faced some incredible circumstances. We had numerous occasions/situations wherein we allowed each other the freedom to be who they are and trust their judgement. Like all moms, she has opinions. At times, I think she should keep opinions to herself until asked. You know what? I ask her a lot. As I grow older, we are singing more in tune than ever but sometimes we still get off-key, but as practice makes perfect, we start again and enjoy the beautiful harmonies when we find them.

We get along, for the most part, with eachother but it seems that sometimes I just don’t understand her and she doesn’t understand me. We still have our “moments”. Now, although she doesn’t agree with accepting my worldly decisions, but she does agree that she should love them unconditionally.

Even as a young child, I can remember as far back all through high school, all my friends wished they had a relationship with their mother like I had with mine. I don’t know how many times I’ve said “I could never have picked a better mother than the one God gave me.” (And secretly wish my daughter would pray the same)

Happy Mother’s day to my Mom…my Angel!!

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Recharge thou Energy Bank

While waiting in a queue to withdraw some money from my bank account, I felt drained and exhausted. Did I miss my breakfast? Is it the weather? Or am I simply feeling lethargic?

I started to think about energy like I think about money. If I continually withdraw money from my bank account without putting it back, eventually I will be overdrawn. In real life, the bank charges hefty fees for this practice. However, when it comes to my energy levels, the toll exacted on my body, mind and spirit is even heavier when my energy reserve is depleted. To continue with my money/energy analogy, if I haven’t been putting money aside, I won’t be able to pay my bills, and if I haven’t been looking after my energy levels, I am likely to feel lifeless and listless.

I see this tendency time and time again with myself and people around me – family and friends – am very sympathetic to our plight. Many of us rush on a daily basis, yet still complain of fatigue and a lack of energy. I often wonder that there is a way to keep my energy level up, so that I can feel happier and more in control of my life…but that stays in my thoughts until I sleep-dive.

Maintaining vitality and enthusiasm for life is an important aspect to living well. But all the multi-tasking and constant rushing about we do on a daily basis makes it difficult to keep our energy up. When I think about it, with so many balls in the air and such high personal expectations, it is no wonder that I feel drained and exhausted at the end of each day.

First, let me think about what might be depleting me in the first place. Is it an emotional or physical drain? Is it my job, a specific person or an unpleasant task, too much technology, time constraints, negative people, etc? Whatever this drain may be, I thought of ways to eliminate it or cut way back on it.

Budgeting energy is one way to make things better, but I need to have regular energy coming in as well. To this end, I started to think about the things that makes me happy and I realized that I felt light by simply talking about the things I love. I immediately planned to do some of these things regularly with the goal of building up my energy bank. I thoroughly enjoy this phase . It is great relief to realize that while it is important to take time for myself, it is essential due to the multi-tasking and added pressures most of us experience in today’s world.

I can honestly say that after making a concerted effort to reduce my negative energy drains, all the while building up positive energy doing things I love, I have started to feel much better, have more energy, and enjoy life more fully. That is a powerful testimony to this practice.

So, dear friend, if you feel your energy bank is running low, try building it back up by making time to do things that fill you with joy and peace. My guess is that you’ll be recharged in no time!!

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Its good to…

  • Try to wake early.
  • Wear high heels as long it doesnt hurt my feet.
  • Have a little garden with soft green grass to walk barefoot.
  • Reduce the number of cups of tea I take in a day…and to try green tea for a month and to continue if I like it.
  • Start carrying a bottle of water to drink during the day.
  • Have my daily meals timely and NOT skip my breakfast.
  • Live near the water or the mountains or both. (Lie on a hammock reading a book and sipping my fav drink..ah, solace!)
  • Help with no expectations of my own
  • Learn to let go and not giving two shits.
  • Have breakfast in bed on saturday mornings.
  • Receive fresh flowers and gifts for no reason at all.
  • Strive to be a better person than I was the day before each and every day.
  • Make someone smile and to lift them up when they are feeling blue.
  • Have a partner who honors commitments, who speaks truly and freely, and plans birthday trips to Paris!
  • Feel as beautiful around people as I feel when I am on my own in my room – be it in a pretty dress and perfect hairdo or in my night dress.
  • Continue my search for the right pair of blue jeans.
  • Stop asking for perfect moments to do things.
  • Be able to say I’m sorry when I do wrong or hurt someone.
  • Truly put my stubbornness aside without stepping away from what I believe in.
  • Return to a lounge just because I thought the live music was playing my kinda-music.
  • Sit late into the night as darkness folds over itself and enjoy watching the stars.
  • Pray and give thanks for beautiful people around me and for my life!
  • Be a happy woman being my own.

P.S.  I went through an emotionally tough time recently and I can tell you that as time passes it does get better even though you may feel like you’re dying inside. And making this list made me think for myself and simply made me smile… :)

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Celebrate the art of “creation”

I went to an art festival, last weekend, in a small town nearby with a dear friend. We had a very lovely time, met some wonderful people, and came away with several one-of-a-kind pieces. I found a couple of items for my home and garden, and a lovely gift for a dear friend. My friend picked up some interesting rustic and ethnic pieces, which didn’t surprise me since he is so taken with exotic cultures and antiquities.

I love attending little fairs and festivals, as I feel that there are so many benefits for everyone involved when we buy at local events. First, it is a great way to support local commerce, which is very important to me. Plus, I always return home with something unusual, and often very functional, too. In my mind, folk artists are the ultimate recyclers of the art world. Many folk artists are regular people who may not have a lot of money to fund their creative projects, but their drive to create seems to lead them to found or easily obtainable items that can be recycled in new and beautiful ways.

Another reason I’m fond of folk art is that these creations often have stories behind them. For example, a bird house made of old barn wood or a crudely painted strip of tin roofing may be expressions of childhood memories or the recreation of a symbolic theme in the artist’s life. Some of their creations may come from conditions that called for creations of necessity, which can lead to some very functional pieces made from unexpected materials. Sometimes folk art pieces reflect historical events or cultural beliefs. So folk art often tells a story of one kind or another, but when I get an opportunity to talk to the artist about his/her creation, I mostly get a great story… :)

And that brings me to the best part about folk art—the artists. When I go to events that offer folk art pieces I meet some really wonderful, talented people. I have met some of the most interesting characters, had some great laughs, and have even shed a tear or two on occasion, especially when someone shares a particularly poignant story about their work. And over time I’ve also formed a few friendships that enrich my life even further, which is a great bonus!!!

Categories: General | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Writing Love Story

Most of us have had experience with dating quite a few not-so-right Mr. Right. When we date them, we all pay the price of the broken hearts, etc. Unfortunately, due to the worldly influence found everywhere and peer pressure, we are looking for romance instead of an enduring love. We still have “Mr. Right-moments” from time to time. There are no 100% Mr. Right out there – for the mere reason we are all humans.

Being anything but Miss Right myself I find the idea of Mr. Right unfair and selfish. Plus, if I get someone, where is that person supposed to grow from there for several decades we are hopefully supposed to spend together? Where’s the adventure of turning the stones and see what lies beneath?

This does not mean that I would choose just anyone. One should keep our standards high or should I say set our standards right, and not settle for anything less. There’s a big difference between a mind commitment and heart commitment.

Every person should to go through heartaches, I believe, so as to have an ultimate experience of what loving and losing that love is all about. Sounds cruel but I believe that heartaches are part of living too. But, one should not hang a trespassing sign on the heart. After all, how would one experience blissful happiness and true love if one has not gone through disillusionment and failure? One can never really fathom the meaning of hunger if that same someone is always full and satisfied. Sometimes, failures are necessary but not to the extent that the same failure repeatedly happens or simply man-made tragedy in my dictionary.

“Let God write your love story,” is what my mother advocates when I went through a heartache.  God writes our love story and not us so we should give God the pen. But even when we suffer heartaches, and we do, it is all too tempting to say “God, could you just loan me the pen, just for a minute? I’ll just write one thing myself, and then I’ll give it right back.”

Now I actually do believe that God writes our love and life stories into His grand story. God and I are on the same side! Once in a while, I pray, “Lord, there is someone out there but you have to show him to me because I don’t know any!” Oh no – I am not in a rush as I want to find my Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now.

Can I get an AMEN??? :)

Categories: Muddled Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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