It’s okay to be YOU!

Is it really okay to be you?? Philosophically yes, but socially…uhmm…Nah!

I’m still struggling with this notion now, the idea that not only can I try, but that I have a responsibility to do whatever it is that reinforces my sense of self and love.

Why is it that it takes us so long to find these things in ourselves? In life, we have to make our self. We have to make that self over and over again and present it to the world. And each time we do that, we must endure the sense that perhaps all has failed, that no one wants this, that we are too much that. Which is why, when we look back in the time, we are often surprised. One can be just incredibly stupid and weird and boring or on the contrary simply brilliant. We can have a constant loop of horrible words running through our head about all the things one could mock and condemn.

There isn’t room for any one of us. It’s up to us to make a place for ourself in the world. Doubts and fears are SO debilitating, which is why, perhaps, it’s hard to gather the strength to push them away. We cower behind the defeated security of there is no “room for someone like me.” We scream through the door trying so desperately to open, but can’t seem to find the knob for.

Profusely, deeply, fondly, gratefully, outrageously, THANK YOURSELF and BE YOURSELF without apology. Do not be sunk by the challenge and the loneliness of it. There isn’t room for any one of us. It’s up to you to make a place for yourself in the world. So get to work. Life is about making our mark as only we can – not everyone is going to like how we do it. But, if we are brave and determined, we will find our audience along with ourself.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are”.~ Curt Cobain

Smile Meditation

Recently a close friend of mine, who is practising meditation told me to try meditation and keep smiling while doing so. I found this instruction a little odd, but decided to give it a go and started smiling while practicing meditation. A few days into it, I felt so calm and relaxed, and I was smiling! Now, when people tease me about always smiling I can’t help but want to shout, “It takes effort!”

Something about the act of smiling does something inside. It just makes you want to smile more. I was a bit surprised, as I have long been aware of the value of smiling. Many people think that smiling is something you do to be polite (etiquette) or only when you are feeling good (from within), but the truth is that smiling holds so much more for us, especially if we smile as a personal practice.

A true smile is one that turns up the corners of the mouth and causes crinkling around the eyes…(look in the mirror and see your eyes sparkle). Even scientists believe smiling relieves stress by helping you slow your breath and reduce your heart rate. According to a study by Professor Fritz Strack, Leonard L. Martin and Sabine Stepper, people who used their facial muscles to smile when viewing a cartoon found the cartoon to be funnier than those who didn’t smile. So it seems that by simply putting a smile upon your face is enough to improve your mood and let go of stress!

While I don’t necessarily have to have a happy thought in order to smile,it always helps if I find my own reasons to smile. And even if I don’t feel like smiling at first, once I put on a smile, it’s likely that it will quickly turn into a real thing. I can watch or read something funny, spend time with family and friends whose company I enjoy, or simply reflect on past experiences that brought me happiness. All it takes to bring a smile to my face is to think of my dog playing with her toy ball, or imagine dancing in the rain.

☆ “When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” ~ Buddha ☆

I hope to find many reasons to smile this week, and take advantage of the warmth and good feelings that a smile can bring. And may this week smile on you!

Sacred Space…Where art thou?

There are times when I feel the need for some space – Me Time. Actually, we all need some “space,” some time to ourselves and some place to recharge our batteries and renew our spirit. Earlier, such places were considered sacred and were often found in nature – a valley or a mountain.

But I cannot always go outdoors to find a sacred space. *Sigh*

It doesn’t matter how small or where it might be…even a corner of a room can suffice. I can place a small table or a shelf in a corner on which I arrange photos or pieces of artwork that hold meaning for me. Bring in nature with perhaps some flowers, or marbles, seashells or perhaps few stones. Light a candle or some incense to add serenity. Place a comfortable chair or a recliner…wind chime or some bells, or perhaps put on soothing music to set the scene. Bingo!!! I have created my space where I can sit and meditate, contemplate, or let my mind wander and relax, ponder, and dream.

Joseph Campbell, the famous American mythologist, says it best in his own words, “If you have a sacred space and take advantage of it and use it every day, something will happen…Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.“

Stop Losing Yourself!

When you lose the big picture you start losing yourself. To a weak person, a small problem is big. The person with strength will see the big picture and will not even see the problem. If you find yourself surrounded by problem – stop, breathe and look beyond - the problems will just start to disappear.

Do you see the 3 birds or an amazing view?

I couldn’t pee, I was laughing so hard! (Just for Laughs)

Life is not a romantic comedy!

My mother told me once when I was making my bucket list of things to do before I marry, “you’re not required to do those things alone, are you?” Didnt ponder much on it at that time and thankfully have achieved most of them while still being single. But, if I had met THE ONE, I would have enjoyed doing those things (travel, etc.) with him.

One needs to figure out if being married is more important than spending life with this person. Way too many people focus on getting married without understanding what that really means. If being married means more than being with this person, then one should catch the bridezilla train out and let the guy down easy.

If the other person is postponing the decision about making a life commitment and is hiding behind the bucket-list of goals — and even minimizing other person’s concern about commitment by scoffing at the “bride-zilla train” — then who’s the one who doesn’t understand what it “really means”?

People who want to be together will find ways to be together, through marriage or some other means. Likewise, people who are comfortable with the status quo but want to leave their options open will find ways to avoid committing — which is fine if they’re honest about it. In my experience, that’s quite rare. Here is what I hear : “I don’t know who I am yet.  I can’t commit until I know that.“

The key word is “unfettered.”  Marriage involves fetters, and if he doesn’t want them, she should also be unfettered. People who feel the pull of marriage would be well served to second-guess it and ask themselves: “If I couldn’t have the party and the ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ label and the societal imprimatur to have kids, would I still want the person? For life?”

In today’s society, living together leads to inertia on one partner’s part, while the other sees it as a step towards marriage. Cohabitation is just an artificial step/crutch that some people like to rely on to stall. Main point is to be on the same page at the same time, and not lead someone on. One needs to make a plan and stick to it. I want a life-partner, not just a wedding. If you’re too blunt, you’re giving your partner an ultimatum; if you’re too flexible, you’re not being honest with them.

Living together before marriage is “playing house”…no commitment involved and either one can walk away. This thinking attributes to the divorce rate because in modern culture so many people see marriage as an agreement not a life long commitment. For me (based on my experiences), marriage should not be something to do because your age, friends, family or society says it is time. It is a spiritual bond between two individuals that are deeply committed to the other no matter what the circumstances.

My question is should or shouldn’t people co-habitate with the expectation that it will lead to marriage? It’s as individual a decision as whether or not to have children, so if anyone who says it’s always the right thing, or never the right thing to do - listen and do as your heart desire and believing what you want to believe even if reality demonstrates that they’re wrong.

An interesting point to observe when someone is not ready for marriage:  What do their friends’ marriages look like?  Is it possible that the marriages around them are not the kind of marriage one wants for self? You have the marriage you make, but it does not just magically “happen” – you have to work at it and make it happen. If you are waiting for the perfect thing to just drop in your lap, you’re likely to be waiting a while. The two people in the marriage get to decide what marriage looks like, and the possible variations are endless.

In the end it’s just a word, a title, so long as you love one another – it shouldn’t matter if that title is placed on your relationship tomorrow, or ten years from now. In fact, I remember reading a CNN report last year that stated divorce rates were decreasing – due in large part to the fact people were waiting longer to get married.

“Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways. Where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses.” – Anonymous

“Is Facebook For Me?” Quiz

If you are a facebook fanatic or sit-at-home shop-o-holic, you would have used MarketPlace to sell or buy stuffs. And if you are interested to start your own business and want to advertise through word-of-mouth, facebook is the place to start with as friends, friends of friends can be good critics.

To know if facebook is for your business…be it local or national, you might want to try Is Facebook For Me?” Quiz.

My score: 7.6 out of 10

What this means for me: “Facebook will probably be a significant way for you to get more customers affordably.” (Uhmmm!!!)

Free the girls – Collect Bra!

Human trafficking is an epidemic that hides behind war, economy, religion, and politics. People are clueless at how many children are held captive. We need to get deeper into the ‘what’, ‘wheres’, and ‘whys’ of trafficking. Don’t assume that traffickers are always men.  One woman sold her own 6 year old daughter and what kind of a man wants such a small child??

Credit: Free The Girls Website

Free the Girls® is one such a foot in the door. A non-profit organization that provides job opportunities to women rescued from sex trafficking. It helps raise awareness about human trafficking and provide sustainable job opportunities for women who are rescued out of slavery. It is committed to provide real jobs and real opportunities for trafficking survivors. The women are educated to run their own business and this model has proven very successful for them. They have been able to make almost an average weeks pay in one day. Giving them time to continue their education, take care of their family, and set their own work schedule.

I can’t even begin to imagine what these women have been through, but I do know that we can take a stand and help improve their lives and give them jobs so they never have to go back to that dark place again. Let Bras liberate women from sex slavery.

Kimba Langas is a Co-Founder at Free The Girls which is a cause-focused apparel company launched in August 2010. It was his pastor from church who came with this idea as he was moving to Mozambique for missionary work and wanted her assistance in running the project with him. Kimba likes to refer to herself as an “accidental abolitionist.”  She never knew that this project would become so close to her heart and would fill her house with bras as soon as she launched the Free The Girls Facebook page.

They collect gently used bras and ship those bras to their partner safehouse in Mozambique.  The bras provide initial inventory for women rescued out of sex trafficking to start their own microbusiness selling the bras. Why bras? Let’s accept it, our underwear drawer is most likely stores few bras we don’t wear anymore or that never fit right in the first place. Ironically, owning even one bra is a luxury in many parts of Sub-Saharan Africa as a status symbol and a mark of sophistication.

Thanks Free the Girls for helping us help others!!

In the news:

• http://thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/22/bras-liberate-women-from-sex-slavery/
• http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/01/free-the-girls-repurposes_n_1317470.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Never say never, unless it’s a Never-ism!

Never underestimate “neverisms” as they can be quite powerful, really funny and at times possessing condensed wisdom.  They are like a bowl of pretzels – each morsel is tasty, and you can nibble as many or as few as you wish, one at a time or by the handful.

• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
• Never waste a minute thinking about people you don’t like.
• Never claim as a right what you can ask as a favor.
• Never use a long word where a short one will do.
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• Never trust a skinny ice cream man. (Remember this next time you are at Ben & Jerry’s ice cream parlor)
• Never put anybody on hold.
• Never, never, never give up.
• Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
• Never lose yourself when you find another person.
• Never practice two vices at once.
• Never apologize before you are accused.
• Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
• Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
• Never give advice unasked.
• Never tell a young person that something cannot be done.
• Never invest in any idea you can’t illustrate with a crayon.
• Never mistake a  single mistake with a final mistake.
• Never pick up what you didn’t put down.
• Never spend time with people who don’t respect you.
• Never take anything for granted.
• Never reveal the bottom of your purse or the depth of your mind.
• Never work for anyone more insecure than yourself.
• Never turn down a job because you think it’s too small; you don’t know where it can lead.
• Never trouble trouble ’til trouble troubles you.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

P.S. Never miss a chance of liking this post if you feel like ‘liking’ it

Roads

Roads - An awesome post!

Makes me think – If we take the main course or make the obvious choices, are we really making a choice or a decision? I was blind and now I see it